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Continued from >>>> Entry 14


Things are bad for Tarn, now that Adam wants a divorce. I feel terrible for her, but Adam is a boy and Tarn needs a man. She is strong, financially stable, incredibly beautiful and I feel she is looking to duplicate Josh. Her last boyfriend was a perfect composite of Josh and Adam!
At any rate Tarn's texts to me have fallen off and I think she is depressed. She is posting more and more scantily clad pictures of herself on line and my junior psychology self thinks she is feeling insecure.

She is also posting wonderful pictures of her and Christian, doing wonderful things, safari parks, a fabulous home on the beach for Christmas, amusement parks. From the looks of it Christian is having the time of his life. She is also taking him to see her parents and her dad is particularly smitten with Christian. This makes me so happy. I think if we are unable to bring Christian home he would have a good life with Tarn. But Tarn has told me on more than one occasion that as much as she loves Christian and thinks of him as her son, she wants to be rid of A. "I don't want her showing up at my door looking for money". I absolutely understand. I wonder how much A will intrude on our life. So far she seems incapable of keeping a promise or doing anything that will benefit her little boy.

While I am home in Napa I am beginning to plan for our Feb. trip back to Phuket. I am using the same flight broker but I am having doubts. We are almost to the day we leave and we don't have a flight itinerary yet. I have enough angst in my life. This needs to go smoothly. We have paid him the money 8 weeks before our trip and we still don't know how many stops or even what country we will be stopping in for the second part of the trip.

A is still of the mind that Christian will be better in the US. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. For her to change her mind: To request an amount of money we could never come up with. For her to turn on me or Mia for no apparent reason.

For her to reconcile with her sister and abide by the sisters wishes that we not be allowed to raise Christian. There are so many what ifs, and I am by nature a worrier.

It is just Rick and me on this trip and we are looking for a place we can stay and also have Christian. The wish is for Tarn to arrive in Phuket with Christian and for me to keep him with us. I tried the Chava Resort but it was prohibitively expensive. We will be arriving at the start of the Chinese New Year and places are filling up fast. I am able to get a deal at the DoubleTree on Surin Beach and within 3 weeks the price has jumped from $125.00 a night to $375.00. It was a good choice because like the Novatel they had a separate play house for kids. I am so glad I booked it when I did.

When word got out that we were coming to Phuket, some friends there wanted to celebrate Josh's life with a party at Xana Beach Club. We were to meet on the beach and celebrate the life my beautiful boy had before he was killed, as well as the memorial of his death exactly one year ago to the day. I loved the idea and Eka and Add, another dear friend of Josh's said they would put it together.

I begged Tarn to come to Phuket but she was trying to get pregnant with sperm she had frozen that was Adams. She desperately wants a baby and I feel for her. She would make a good mama.
I contact the various friends we have met from our last trip, but I don't want to make this a big deal, and I certainly don't want anyone thinking we might be bringing Christian home. Way too many ifs.....and besides nobody thinks we might be able to anyway.

Mia and I are now in constant communication with A. My thoughts of doing away with her are now replaced with maybe she is a sad lonely little girl. But then Mia brings me back with.....who leaves their baby for weeks and months on end with no means of support.......and I am again despising her. BUT I have to be nice to her. I need her to know that I am a good person and not 'mean grandma', which is what she has referred to me as in the past. Mia is doing the lion's share of the work and we are still trying to get A to pick up the passport, or to sign off picking up the passport, consenting to let Ant pick it up. And most importantly we need to get the custody authorization signed by A, and issued by the Embassy. This falls on me as soon as we land.

Things are lining up and I have purchased a seat for Christian on our return flight. We continue to hemorrhage money. The seat for Christian is $900.00, and now Mia is saying, "it is only money." If we are unable to bring him back the money is the least of our problems. The flight broker is driving me crazy. We still do not know what flight we are taking other than the day we leave and maybe our return. I am furious. This guy who was our new best friend....he and Rick talking sports on the phone and me facebooking with him....has deteriorated to terse emails.

To be continued....

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