What is a love affair? Most of us think of it in a negative way. But a love affair can be something between us, and our other half, our kids, our friends, ourselves or even with nature. The one I want to mention in this post is the love affair between partners (or commonly named: soulmates ), and it starts from the moment they meet up until present day.
Remember when you first met your other half? An explosion of passion, bliss, rainbows, butterflies and unicorns surrounded your whole body and soul, didn’t it? In that moment your life was beautiful, and your thoughts were focused on the next time you would see the amazing being you’d just met. And every time you saw him or her, this amazing explosion of emotions and feelings became more intense.
This emotional feeling is what Dr. Bruce Lipton mention in his incredible book “The Honeymoon Effect”. Unfortunately in most cases, it doesn’t last. Even if one partner tries to keep the “honeymoon” feeling alive, there are events in life that bring it to a breaking point.
My husband and I have been married for almost 14 years. We have been through a lot and almost divorced, but the love was still there. We did not go to counseling or try to renegotiate our marriage. I believe that renegotiating the marriage contract happens when we’re focused on how the other person can change, instead of looking at ourselves and the issues we bring to the relationship. so instead of making things easier, it makes things more difficult.
There were few things that almost destroyed our relationship, but the main thing was that we were both focus on ourselves. This created distance between us. We were comparing what we were giving and what we were getting from the other person. We were acting selfishly. We allowed ourselves to go to a place of EGO. So when we hit rock-bottom, there were only two options: either divorce and start over a new life in separate ways, or stop pointing fingers and look within ourselves to fix all our issues.
This is when the change started to take place. We both learned that love is about the other person, and that we must start over to rebuild our marriage. We learned no to expect things from each other, but to be each other’s light. We try to recapture the same feeling we had when we first met, and bring the same joy to doing things for the other person. Don’t get me wrong, like every couple we have our issues and disagreements. Nothing is perfect, but perfection is imperfection and imperfection is beautiful. By accepting this and falling in love again over and over, especially when bumps happen along the way, we push away the possibility of ending a relationship.
When people suffer in relationships, it doesn’t matter what type of problem it is, the reason is because they are measuring their contribution to the relationship. There is no freedom from within. We are souls living a human experience, not the other way around. We are here to give unconditionally, not to measure what or how much we can get. If we practice love, unconditional love, every day, then we’ll stay in that eternal honeymoon we wanted from the start.
Practice every day, especially when you feel defeated, because only then will the explosion of passion, bliss and love be reborn.
Monica Bivas is a married mom of 3, born in Colombia and became an IVF Coach from her own struggle to conceive. She is helping women and couples no matter their choice, going through this fertility process, to approach it in a much positive way.