My entire life, I've wanted to be best friends with Ethan Hawke.
There's just something about him that seems super cool. Like, he isn't even trying to be cool either, he just is. He would be able to recommend all the important literature I've never read and would discuss all of the intricacies of post-modernism and advise me on the proper depth of V-necks. But he'd still be sooo down to earth, you know?
Our spiritual connection started when I was a kid, when I found out we shared the same birthday in the newspaper. In high school, I would let my friends borrow my DVD of Before Sunrise, billing it as a movie that "will change your life." Last year, I purchased his novel The Hottest State at a used bookstore and found it autographed: "To Jessica, Ethan Hawke." There's some sort of existential, I Heart Huckabees, thread-pulling going on here.
Naturally, this weekend I sought out his new flick Sinister over Oscar hopeful Here Comes The Boom and that other movie where Ben Affleck adds a new hairpiece to his already immaculate repertoire. Although Sinister is semi-disturbing and a pretty decent piece of "OMG, LOUD NOISE!" horror, the Hawke-man carries the movie like a newborn child. Since it made an impressive $18.2 million at the box office, the 41-year-old actor's visbility is at a renewed high.
E. Hawke is back, baby! Now's as good time as any to make my case:
If Ethan Hawke and I were best friends...
- We would go to Buffalo Wild Wings and order obscure gin and call the bartender a Philistine for not carrying it. We'd order Bud Light instead to experience how the proletariat lives and we'd max out on some Jammin' Jalapeno wings because we're here anyway, so why not?
That's it, Ethan. If you want to be best friends (seriously, why wouldn't you?), please fly me to Manhattan and put me up in a modest four bedroom, three bath apartment so we can begin this new journey together.