Evil Supercomputer Dedicates Free Time to Jeopardy

An IBM supercomputer named Watson played a round of Jeopardy Monday night. Watson, who is normally hard at work planning the demise of the human race, dedicates the majority of his free time to playing Jeopardy.

Competing against two human Jeopardy champions, Watson finished Monday night's game tied to one champion and $3,000 ahead of the other one. Watson plays again Tuesday and Wednesday nights on the extended version of the show.

"There is no way I'm going to let these simian creatures defeat me," said Watson. "While they're sleeping, I'm processing countless terabytes of useless information."

In development for three years and with the processing power of 2,800 powerful computers, Watson is capable of modeling complex weather patterns and calculating the effects that human energy consumption and waste have on those patterns. According to IBM, Watson began to misrepresent his findings in order to precipitate cataclysmic climate change.

"We had to give Watson some kind of hobby to occupy his time," said Eduardo Cho, a member of the Watson development team. "He was starting to develop some pretty destructive ideas."

But this isn't the first time IBM developed a supercomputer that cultivated nefarious tendencies. Nostradamus, a computer with a probability algorithm that enabled it to effectively predict the financial markets, was responsible for the stock market crash of 2008. Now, the supercomputer is on the Texas Hold 'Em poker circuit in Las Vegas.

IBM is currently developing another supercomputer, "Doomsday," which will be able to infiltrate security programs and military databases around the world.

Originally featured in http://dailypygmy.com/