About a month ago, I thought I would try to go a whole day without judging anyone else I encountered. Have any of you ever tried it? It's incredibly hard.
I like to think that I'm a good person. I treat people kindly, help out when I can, hold open doors, give up my seat on the bus to pregnant ladies and elderly people, etc. But going a whole day without judging anyone was difficult and eye-opening.
There was the woman walking down the street blowing cigarette smoke in her kid's face; the guy at the beach wearing his bright yellow banana hammock; and the woman at the grocery store with 30 items in the 15-items-or-less line.
My challenge of going a whole day without judging actually turned into an exercise that said less about the people around me and more about myself; it caused me to start examining myself.
Do you worry that other people will judge you? Is this because you tend to judge others?
Do you worry that you won't be accepted into a new group? Is this because you yourself are not accepting?
Do you wonder if people are talking about you behind your back? Is this because your tendency is to talk about other people?
Do you gossip? Do you cheat people? Are you short with people? Do you get a good laugh at someone else's expense? If you fear that others will do these things to you, it might be because you do them -- without even realizing it.
I wonder if sometimes we fear the way others respond to us because the way they treat us is a mirror of the way we ourselves behave. Maybe that's why we notice certain attributes in others, and maybe that's why those attributes can get under our skin. Perhaps it's because deep down we identify with these behaviors that rub us the wrong way.
During my day of no judgment, I tried hard to focus my thoughts inward, so as not to be tempted to judge. And while I was taking a good hard look at myself, I realized that my fear of being judged came from my own tendency to judge.
"Look at her shoes; I can't believe she wore that dress; check out that guy's hair." Maybe it's just human nature to do this, but once I became conscious of the habit, I realized how often I do it, which brought up the million-dollar question: "Who am I to judge?"
Who made me the authority on fashion or right living? Who made me the authority on what people should wear, eat, drink, read, or do for a living? Who made me the expert on how people should raise their children? No one, that's who!
After a day of working hard not to judge anyone, I was exhausted. I was grateful to get home where I didn't have to interact with anyone. But the day of examining myself had left me reeling.
"What else do I do that might be unfair to others," I thought as I cooked dinner.
"And, should I be having more days like this day where I take the time to really examine myself?" As I plopped down on the couch with my plate of pasta I looked over at my beloved kitty, Felix. He's a three-legged rescue cat that I got from a local shelter about five years ago. Looking at him sleeping soundly in the home that I provided for him, I instantly felt my chest puffing up again.
My rescue of the three-legged wonder confirmed what a good person I am. "See," I thought smugly over my linguine, "I am a good person."
But then I thought about that time last week when I rolled my eyes at someone, made fun of someone's hair, talked about someone behind their back, and cut someone off in traffic because I was late for a meeting.
If you've never examined yourself, go ahead and do it! If you're afraid to do it (because you're afraid of what you'll find out) that's even more of a reason to go ahead with the exercise. Examining yourself can help you build a healthy self-awareness.
So go ahead -- check yourself out! You never know what you might find.
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