Exclusive: Gutfeld's Review of An Inconvenient Truth

I piled into my SUV (an Escalade) and headed to the theater. It's actually pretty far, but thanks to four wheel drive, I was able to take a short cut!
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Sorry dear friends and associates - I am a little behind the times, but I finally decided to see Al Gore's latest movie. I had heard so much about it, and my Pilates instructor said that I would love it: it's like a really interesting lecture, but one you can eat popcorn during, scratch yourself and not feel bad if you don't take notes. Plus, just by going to see it, it's like you're doing something really good for the environment! And yourself! I felt good just thinking about the good I was doing thinking about it- and I wasn't even doing anything yet! Except thinking! About! it!

So I piled into my SUV (an Escalade) and headed to the theater. It's actually pretty far, but thanks to four wheel drive, I was able to take a short cut! Which was great because I couldn't wait to settle myself in for what would be an incredibly enlightening and worthy cinematic experience! But like I always do when i sit in a theater with my arm around a complete stranger and my pants loosely buckled, my thoughts begin to wander. And they wandered toward a few "inconvenient truths" I had of my own about the movie, about Al Gore, and about all of you, my dear Huffpo brethren.

-the left refuses to believe that the biggest threat to mankind isn't man's destruction of the planet, but ideology-based envy-driven homicidal maniacs who kill their own people for selling ice and falafel on the street. Granted, I hate falafel (it's fal-awful!), but that's no reason to behead someone. Cut off a hand - I can live with that.

-the reason why the left cannot agree that terrorism and islamic fundamentalism are the real threat is because to do so would force them to agree with George Bush. This is a horrifying thought, since for them Bush is a far bigger enemy than the soulful types who fly planes into buildings. People who fly planes into buildings are simply misunderstood, and it's America's fault for not understanding them. This makes me feel sad! Being misunderstood is hurtful. I would fly a plane into a building too, if I wasn't so scared of flying. And buildings.

-So rather than focus on real threats, the left must turn to rabid environmentalism as a point of difference. They cannot betray their own egos and agree with the rest of us about the nature of present-day evil- they need to carve out that one last spot on the wrongway world of the leftwing ideology to plant their feet and say, "You are a bad person for ignoring humanity's horrors committed against Mother Earth." The left clings to the ideology like a urine-stained teddy bear because it's all they've got. (Well, except for movies about electric cars. I would like an electric car. But I can't help but think that the extension cords would get tangled up at intersections)

You can quote me: "An Inconvenient Truth: it's laugh out loud funny!"

Because while jihadists have stated openly -- and acted quite assertively --that they want to kill us, all of you would like us to think global warming is a greater pending problem. Just to remind you all: Gore was VP for 8 years. That's 56 years in HuffPo dog years and your dogs did nor said NOTHING to stop the global warming hyper-phenomenon. NOTHING. You can check! (wait...I'm going to check myself. Be back in a few minutes...yep, i'm right) When the senate voted against Kyoto 49-0!!! Did Gore do anything? Did he have a press conference announcing how America is defying and defiling the world? Of course not. Nor did you, and that is, like I said, LOL!! (Note: LOL is a phrase young people use that really means Laugh out loud!)

And furthermore, Gore and Huffposters alike: If you are so sure of man's hand in global warming -- unlike your evil rightwing trolls who think the evidence for human culpability isn't there -- you have the burden to act on your beliefs and provide an unambiguous example. And the fact that almost all of you don't -- Ed Begley Jr. notwithstanding -- your political hysteria makes you out to be highly immoral laugh riots in the eyes of those with even partial eyesight (I am very nearsighted, which is hereditary). Until you force Laurie David, Arianna and her pals out of their luxury jets, until you drive cars when only absolutely necessary, until you have solar panels fueling your houses' addiction that also fuels your media and dietary addictions, you will be looked upon as the transparent hypocrites that you are. Maybe your level of uncontrollable rage is a function of your subconscious knowing you are more the problem than SUVs, second hand smoke and Ann Coulter combined. And when global warming is YOUR issue and you can't even come up with a plan or an example, it's no wonder you are objects of cosmic-levels of mockery when it comes to being taken seriously on the war on terror.

There is only one reason for this stark contrast in Huffposters rhetoric and action. You are not serious people. You are laugh riots -- and deep down you know it. That is why I am the King of this Blog! You are my subjects and I tell you the hard truth like your daddy should have. But I still love you more than you could ever imagine. Come to www.dailygut.com and get a free hug.

Another thing: I really didn't go see Al Gore's movie. I saw the Da Vinci Code instead! It was excellent. They should turn it into a book!

Kind regards! GG

PS: Yacomink - please stop emailing me jpegs of you at the nude beach. It's not going to change things, whatsoever.

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