NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) - "It's good to be the virus."
That's the upbeat message the Swine Flu Virus hoped would be the takeaway from his first major media interview since the start of flu season.
Sitting with reporters in one of his favorite stomping grounds, the DMV office near Penn Station, the Swine Flu Virus seemed determined to spread that message, when he wasn't spreading himself.
"The conflicting information about me that the media are putting out there, the delays in the vaccine, the urban myths -- it's all good," the Swine Flu said.
Despite the avalanche of publicity he's received in recent weeks, the virus dismissed charges that he's a publicity whore.
"I can't keep people from writing about me if they want to," he said. "But you know what they say -- there's no such thing as bad publicity, especially when you're a virus or bacteria or even mold."
He did, however, laugh about the mountain of misinformation about him that the mainstream media have been putting out on a daily basis: "Now I know how Jon and Kate feel!"
Will success change the Swine Flu Virus? He laughs at the notion, calling himself "the same old bug," adding, "I still take the subway." More here.