In the days, months and even years before becoming a parent, many people imagine what it would be like to have children. But the reality of parenthood often differs greatly from the fantasy.
We’ve rounded up 25 funny and honest tweets that sum up the expectation vs. reality of parenting. May they serve as a reminder to parents that they aren’t alone (and as a useful dose of birth control for nonparents who are unprepared for the chaos...).
Before having kids: My kid will eat all of the foods I eat.— maura quint (@behindyourback) August 12, 2017
After having a real life human kid: The only thing I eat is chicken nuggets.
PARENTING— TheBabyLady (@thebabylady7) August 19, 2017
Reality: Me playing a desperate game of peekaboo w the 1yo while just trying to get a shower.
Saturday morning expectation: The children quietly come snuggle in mommy and daddy's bed. Everyone doses.— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) November 7, 2015
Reality: So. Much. Thrashing.
Expectation: Baby's asleep for the afternoon, will meal plan.— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) November 28, 2012
Reality: Baby decides to be awake for the afternoon. Will survive on 2$ pizza.
Parenting expectation: guiding my child to adulthood w love & wisdom. Reality: "I need to paint a pumpkin like George Washington" @ 8pm— Spookybritches (@SQLPi) November 30, 2016
Vacation fantasy: beach! sun tan! drinking beer! sleeping! fun!— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) August 26, 2014
Vacation reality: car! sunburn! opening juice boxes! screaming! fuck!
Dinner expectation: everyone likes what I made & cordial conversation.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) March 29, 2019
Dinner reality: 1 kid is crying because we’re not having chicken nuggets & the other 2 are fighting over a chair.
Expectation for kids and pets: Playing together, snuggling at the foot of their beds, precious photos of childhood magic— Lynn (@disasterballet) December 18, 2017
Reality of kids and pets: The 3-year-old and the dog both barking at the garbage truck on a Monday morning
[MY PARENTING]— TheBabyLady (@thebabylady7) June 16, 2018
Expectation: Hey kids, let’s do something educational and creative!
Reality: Hey kids! GO WATCH YouTube.
Expectation: My kids can do yoga with me.— TheBabyLady (@thebabylady7) August 13, 2017
Reality: My 1yo just crawled under my "downward dog", pulled my shirt aside and started nursing.
Expectation: kids put trash into the trashcan.— Josh Darnit (@JoshDarnit) December 21, 2017
Reality: kids put trash into your car.
Expectation: Showing my kids all the cartoons I loved as a kid and bonding over my childhood nostalgia— The Dad (@thedad) March 26, 2018
Reality: Watching the same parkour fails on YouTube for 3 years straight
Mornings as a parent. Expectation: smiling faces, toast, bike rides. Reality: poked awake, required to do impression of Gollum on the toilet— Adrian Bott (@Cavalorn) August 8, 2013
Expectation: It will be less stressful outside in the pool and will wear the kids out.— TheBabyLady (@thebabylady7) July 23, 2018
Reality: It’s just like inside, but wetter... and MY VOICE IS THE ONLY THING GETTING WORN OUT
[Giving Birth]— TheBabyLady (@thebabylady7) June 16, 2018
Expectation: Birth is a natural beautiful process. I will have a peaceful, gentle homebirth.
Reality: THIS IS WHAT DYING FEELS LIKE No wait, this is worse than death, SWEET DEATH EMBRACE ME oh God I think I’m birthing a semi-truck *muffled screaming sounds*