I was recently privileged to hear a speech by Bill Moyers, an eloquent man who has lived a long time. In a soothing voice, offering a combination of history and hope, his recurring theme was, "We have to find the best of ourselves in the worst of times."
It had real impact on me and has become my morning mantra, especially whenever I feel the bile rising. Like when I listen to a Trump supporter spout off, and my inner dialogue instinctively responds, "I hope he gets a pre-existing condition!" I hear our new leader accuse CNN of promoting "fake news" and I scream, "I wish you fake orgasms for four years!" If this is the best of myself, I need to do better.
The more serious question I, and many others, have to ask is: Do I even want him to succeed? Clearly, the best of ourselves would answer, as did a woman I marched with last month, "I want our country to succeed." What if, miraculously, things get better, or at the very least, don't get markedly worse? How do those of us, who feel intense humiliation that reality TV has become real, respond?
Even if Donald Trump accidentally does something right, how do we condone the idea of someone who wins by bullying, by demeaning everyone who has ever doubted him? (If Nelson Mandela were not dead, I assume he would be targeted) I am not eager to tell our children that nice guys and gals don't finish first, that they don't have to study history, or care about the arts, or for those less fortunate, Narcissism is a word that has been overused this past year, but how can we find kindness toward a man who makes every decision based on how it affects him--and only him?
"It's very hard to empathize with someone who shows little empathy for others," explains psychologist Dr. Vivian Diller. "But if we envision the possibility that his success will result in something positive (the greater good) in spite of his self involvement and aggrandizement, I suppose it's possible to want him to succeed. It's like deciding we can enjoy a piece of art even though we know it was created by a personally distasteful artist."
Of course we have had presidents who turned out to be mediocre or disappointing or not of our ilk. But we are in unchartered territory here. As writer Philip Roth told The New Yorker, "Trump is ignorant of government, of history, of science, of philosophy, incapable of expressing or recognizing subtlety or nuance, destitute of all decency." The best part of myself would like to think everyone is capable of growth of change. But any talk of this man suddenly becoming 'presidential,' let alone empathetic, seems ridiculous.
Maybe we will learn to at least respect a "can do" approach, the desire to get past the bickering and bartering and just act by the gut. I hate Washington stalemate as much as the next person-- I believe every member of Congress who refused to meet with and approve Merrick Garland should be taken down-- but there has to be some thought before action. Thought, as in thinking, not tweeting.
I still weep when my mind flashes back to the Obamas getting on that plane and waving to us one final time. A shrink might say this is akin to getting over a love affair that ended long ago, one that seems rosier in retrospect than it may actually have been. Megyn Kelly says we must "settle for more," not less, even though I assume the great majority of us do the latter. Clearly, we are settling for less in our current leadership, and there is little we can do except be ready to mobilize at a moment's notice. With each week, and each new order, folks have been doing just that.
And perhaps we doubters and downers can try valiantly to rise to Bill Moyers' plea. Just because our new president may not be capable of doing so, we must find the best of ourselves in what certainly seems like the worst in a very long time.