NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) - Facing mounting criticism from the public and the media, Goldman Sachs announced today that they would cancel plans to dance around a bonfire of thousand-dollar bills.
The company had planned to perform a pagan dance around the inferno of blazing thousands while roasting a suckling pig as part of their year-end bonus celebration, but howls of protest forced them to reconsider, said Goldman chief Lloyd Blankfein.
"There's a consensus out there that this dance -- a jig, really, to be precise -- was in poor taste," said Mr. Blankfein, who said the company would instead pledge over $100 to help small businesses.
The Goldman chief said that the company would now have a more modest holiday celebration, including such activities as doing a line of coke off a hooker's ass. More here.