Reprinted with permission from Dirty Library © 2014 Mary Dauterman and Peter Antosh, Running Press, a member of the Perseus Books Group.
Where the Girls Gone Wild Things Are
Set sail to an island full of your most feral fantasies, where getting wild has never been more fun, exotic, or topless. Call now! Only $19.95! Must be eighteen or older to order.
Word on the Street:
“Loved the book’s positive, playful portrayal of condom use.”
The Lyin’ Bitch and the Wardrobe
Told through the lens of a mall security camera, this book captures the tale of little Lucy Pevensie, a compulsive luxury-store shoplifter. Lucy, so cute and seemingly innocent, can talk her way out of anything—but can she outwit Aslan, the new mall-security dog?
Word on the Street:
“I didn’t like the book very much so I stole it.”
—Winona Ryder, unemployed actress
“You’ll find the book security tag between pages 120 and 121.”
—Convicted shoplifter, name withheld
Goldilocks and the Three Bears
Goldilocks is wandering through the woods and happens upon a house owned by three large, manly bears. She walks inside and samples their food, sits on their furniture, and tries on some of their more intimate garments. When the housemates return home, she tries to run, but she’s soon captured and, as it turns out, Goldilocks is not what she seems to be. . . .
“A queer tale and, I might add, a bad one.”
—St. Louis Post-Dispatch
“Bad news bears! Thumbs down, way down.”
—Harold Bloom, Yale University
—Stefan, Grindr Beta User
Alexander and the Total Fucking Bullshit Hungover Day
Alexander’s wild night with Everclear, Four Loko, and other suspect liquors is sure to give you flashbacks to the migraines, puking, and regret of your first hangover, and have you hugging your toilet all over again!
“Word to the wise: Don’t get the pop-up edition.”
—Oprah’s Book Club
Often purchased with:
Advil; Gatorade; Have We Met Before? My Blacked-Out Life
How to vote
Vote-by-mail ballot request deadline: Varies by state
For the Nov 3 election: States are making it easier for citizens to vote absentee by mail this year due to the coronavirus. Each state has its own rules for mail-in absentee voting. Visit your state election office website to find out if you can vote by mail.Get more information
In-person early voting dates: Varies by state
Sometimes circumstances make it hard or impossible for you to vote on Election Day. But your state may let you vote during a designated early voting period. You don't need an excuse to vote early. Visit your state election office website to find out whether they offer early voting.My Election Office
General Election: Nov 3, 2020
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