25 Fake Letters Warning Students Not To Masturbate In Dorm Showers


If you're a guy in college, or just someone who happened to be a dorm bathroom, you may have come across a request from your school to not masturbate.

It's fake.

For the past several years, a number of people have reported seeing letters asking male students to refrain from pleasuring themselves in the dorm bathrooms or showers. The notices usually say something about how the pipes were clogged and initially the college thought it was a build up of hair. But then they discovered the true horror: It was semen. So far, the letters usually say, it's cost the school anywhere from $700 to $7,000 in damage, or around 2,000 pounds in the United Kingdom. (We have no idea why so many people peg it around $700.)

We saw a recent example circulating on the Internet this month from the University of Miami, which, yes, was super fake. We don't know who put that one up on their campus, but trust us: It's fake.

Is this a new trend? No, not at all. Our HuffPost College editors can attest to seeing, and possibly committing, this prank six years ago.

So we thought this would be a good opportunity to share a collection of where this sort of warning has come up before.

Before you try making one of these notices yourself, be warned that the unauthorized use of a university's trademark can lead to a code of conduct violation, or even action from a school's trademark office. And remember -- if you see a poster like this in your college bathroom, just know it's not true. It's a college prank that seems like it'll never go away.

University Of Michigan
University Of Chicago
University Of Illinois
Michigan State University
Baylor University
"This is not the way of Jesus"
University Of Pennsylvania
"We shall be tracing the culprits by means of DNA matching if the problem persists."
Georgetown University
"We suspected they were caused by hair."
Iowa State University
"While we understand that you must take care of your business..."
University Of Kentucky
"Please masturbate in your own room"
Syracuse University
University At Albany
University of Massachusetts-Amherst
Point Park University
LaSalle University
Colorado State University
Durham University
Texas A&M University
University Of Oklahoma
Duke University
Clemson University
University Of Louisville
"We have since determined this substance to be semen."
Stony Brook University
Tennessee State University
"We shall be tracing the culprits by means of DNA matching if the problem persists."
University Of St. Andrews
"Toilet floors are not designed to handle your semen!"
University Of Miami

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