'Fast & Furious 6': Is It SpecTANKular? (And 24 Other Urgent Questions)

fast and furious 6

On Friday, the sixth installment of The Fast and the Furious franchise, this one titled Pollock Fast & Furious 6, will open at a multiplex near you. Vin Diesel (Saving Private Ryan) and Paul Walker (The Skulls) reprise their roles from most of the other movies. Also, there's a tank in this one. So let's just get to the part where we answer every question that you could possibly have about Fast & Furious 6.

Q: What's the best thing about Fast & Furious 6?

A: The fact that a tank motoring down the road, crushing oncoming traffic, plays a major role.

Q: If you're going to be blurbed in the commercials for Fast & Furious 6, what quote do you hope is used?

A: "SpecTANKular!" Mike Ryan, The Huffington Post

Q: After very little thought, did you just email this suggestion to Universal Pictures?

A: Yes.

Q: Is there any chance that this will happen?

A: No.

Q: What's the plot of Fast & Furious 6?

A: Hahahaha.

Q: Do Vin Diesel and The Rock at least fight in this one?

A: No. As we saw at the end of Fast Five, Dominic Toretto (Diesel) and Luke Hobbs (The Rock) are now friends.

Q: If they did fight, who would win?

A: Honestly, The Rock is so large in this movie that Vin Diesel could have been a stand-in for The Rock's left quadricep.

Q: I was under the impression that at the end of Fast Five, Toretto and Brian O'Conner (Walker) stole enough money to retire?

A: They did. But Hobbs pulls the two out of retirement by showing Toretto a photo of someone from his past?

Q: Nicky Katt?

A: No, it's a photo of Toretto's thought-to-be-dead ex-girlfriend, Letty (Michelle Rodriguez).

Q: Does Fast & Furious 6 take place before the events that led to Letty's death?

A: No. A cockamamie excuse is given as to why she's alive, which involves--you know what? It doesn't matter. The point is that she's alive and that she has amnesia.

Q: From now on, will you refer to amnesia as "Romnesia" for no real reason whatsoever other than it's fun to say?

A: Sure.

Q: So what are Toretto and O'Conner hired to do?

A: Hobbs recruits Toretto and O'Conner and the rest of their furious team to stop a terrorist named Owen Shaw (Luke Evens) who, luckily, also specializes in driving fast and furious land vehicles. Letty, suffering from Romnesia, works for Shaw.

Q: Is Fast & Furious 6 the best of the franchise?

A: Yes.

Q: What if I gave up on this franchise after the second movie?

A: Boy, are you missing out. What was once an excuse to watch fast cars drive around has transformed -- starting with the fifth installment -- into a self-aware series of heist movies.

Q: Self-aware?

A: The action scenes are so ridiculously over-the-top, there's no way the filmmakers don't know it. It's as if, for the first couple of movies, the joke was on Fast & Furious. But now, Fast & Furious is in on the joke. Once that happens, an observer can safely watch from afar without feeling guilty.

Q: What's the biggest problem with Fast & Furious 6?

A: At well over two hours long, it takes a bit too much time to actually get to the over-the-top action scenes. But the movie more than makes up for it's slow-ish first hour in the final 60 minutes.

Q: What's the best thing about the Fast & Furious franchise as a whole?

A: That there's a character named Han Seoul-Oh.

Q: If I informed Harrison Ford of this fact, what would be his reaction?

A: He would shrug without pausing as he walked right past you.

Q: Is there racing in Fast & Furious 6?

A: Yes, but it's almost an afterthought. It's as if, halfway through shooting, a conversation began:

"Hey, should we have a car race?"

"We probably should. People who pay to see these movies seem to like those."

It's so out-of-the-blue, the car race in Fast & Furious 6 could have very well been a street pillow fight if this franchise happened to be called Puffy & Pajamaed.

Q Are the Fast & Furious movies, as numbered, in chronological order?

A: No.

Q: What is your suggestion for a hip title to next summer's Fast & Furious 7?

A: Furiou7even.

Q: How many diving head butts are in Fast & Furious 6?

A: Two.

Q: What's the most outlandish thing that happens in Fast & Furious 6?

A: Hahahahha.

Q: Did you now just email Universal Pictures the word "Fan-TANK-six"?

A: I'm sorry, but I want to live in a world where that fake word appears on television.

Q: How was that one received?

A: What's the email equivalent of a shrug as someone walks right past you?

Mike Ryan is senior writer for Huffington Post Entertainment. You can contact him directly on Twitter.