Fastballs, Curveballs, Cutters and Screwballs: Getting Through the Pitches and Losses

Fastballs, Curveballs, Cutters and Screwballs: Getting Through the Pitches and Losses
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Learning the Signals

Learning the Signals

Oreana Financial Services

Tears glistened in his dark brown eyes as he approached me with a shaky voice and said, “Your presentation was excellent.” I knew this man was in the throes of Alzheimer’s disease and he found hope in what I shared; yet I felt both touched and terrible. The nurturer in me wanted to hug this older gentleman, but he quickly wiped away his tears and left.

I gave a two-hour talk on the history of Alzheimer’s and related dementias, statistics, economics, past, present and future clinical trials, what to look for in a research study and how to differentiate publications on found cures because there is a difference between a mouse and human model. We’ve cured a lot of mice, unfortunately, not in humans yet, and to be cautious on media sensationalism on the word prevention and memory product claims of being effective. I looked out at a sea of elderly faces eager for answers, taking notes while I did my best to instill hope and encouragement as science has come a long ways since Alois Alzheimer’s discovery in 1902, but the facts of the current state of the union aren’t so progressive.

From politics, disjointed concepts in what the current FDA Alzheimer’s medication’s reality of effectiveness are, the fragmented and disorganized research protocols, limited funding in Alzheimer’s research, and the competition, petty angst of all the breakaway Alzheimer’s organizations. The only unified, billion-dollar question on everyone’s mind: “Will we find a cure?”

The skeptic in me wasn’t so sure after many years of attending respected research meetings and each time hearing, “We are getting closer,” and also knowing how research procedures are not up to par, and that study raters may be playing a vital role in that. The scientist in me analyzed my skepticism counteracting that it can take up to ten years to find effective treatments and perhaps we won’t find a cure, but be able to manage it similar to HIV, and protocols are trying to change. Will we get there? It is very well foreseeable.

With approximately 100 people in attendance, many came up to me to share their personal stories, frustrations, questions and concerns, yet the one-shared theme was on loss. Either having lost a loved one, about to lose a loved one, feeling lost because a loved one didn’t qualify for a study, feeling angry and bitter having lost hopes and dreams of living in a fulfilled retirement that was planned years prior only to be coined as a caregiver or patient.

Life throws pitches at us, and most of the time we haven’t learned the signals in order to whack it out of the park. How many times I’ve heard, “I didn’t sign up for this. It wasn’t supposed to be this way.” Despair, anger and resentment are easy bedfellows to wallow in; it takes courage and strength to keep faith, hope and optimism alive. Detour roads will always be a part of life, and having to take it and navigate it to make it work, takes patience. Whether one is in the throes of a neurodegenerative disease, or have experienced loss in other ways, it is never an easy process to go through. The key is being able to process, in a nonjudgmental way, one’s thoughts and emotions; pushing it down and aside only creates more turmoil and unresolved peace of mind. Confronting what’s at hand, what’s really important in life and processing personal values may help turn the mind by shape shifting it to a positive, or at least coming to a small amount of peace.

I recently have gone through my own personal losses over the past few months, and just when I thought the storm blew over and I was back in the start of my routine, a fastball whizzed in and knocked me over. Someone very close to me received confirmation of having an ill-fated disease, and time was numbered.

The gray clouds darkened and loomed outside my office window and I looked around with a million thoughts and wondered if I should take anything of importance with me home. I immediately went to my small ceramic dish filled with shells and gems, some with engravings on it. I grabbed a few of the stones, never mind my medical and psychology books I had published chapters in, my framed degrees and front-page newspaper award, dedication and leadership plaques and pictures. My subconscious turned to the “Faith” rose quartz, “Strength” jade stone and other small healing stones either found in my travels or given to me by loved ones. Did I really think those were going to heal me?

I drove home and could feel the tears swelling in my eyes and I began to cry thinking of the catastrophic news of losing someone I deeply cared for, especially after having recently lost my father and all the other losses of those I worked with over the past three years. I have had enough of loss for a good while. As the swelling gray clouds seem to share in my grief, it too began to cry as I drove home.

What’s important in life is surely a sacred thing that is unique to each of us. For me, consciously or unconsciously, I knew it wasn’t about my academic or professional achievements that I strived so hard to obtain, the awards and nods of “a job well done,” or the other sentimental items given to me. I suppose it was having the messages of Faith and Strength I carried with me. Would the stones itself heal me? Probably not, but the messages were clear, and that, along with the many others who are experiencing loss in their lives, Faith and Strength may be the only concepts to hold onto.

Reflecting John Lennon, “Life is happening while you’re busy making other plans,” is fitting. We can make all the plans we want in life, but the pitches will be thrown at angles and varying speeds, and we may never learn the signals in knowing it’s coming and not being able to whack it out of the park, but learning how to master peace of mind, and remembering that Faith and Strength exist, may be a start.

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