Federal Eavesdropping Program to Take Over Arizona Immigration, Nation Relieved

WASHINGTON--Arizona's controversial new immigration bill has come under serious fire this past week by requiring state law enforcement officials to stop and possibly detain any individuals whom they suspect of being in the country illegally. Opponents of the new bill call it racist and a blatant violation of privacy and basic civil rights.

But the nation breathed a sigh of relief today when Washington stepped in and said that it would be carrying out Arizona's new law under the umbrella of the Federal Government's NSA Eavesdropping Program.

"This is some racist-ass bullshit," said Phoenix resident Maria Dominguez Soledad Garcia Martines. "They can't just make a law that says an entire group of people gets to get stopped 'cause they don't look American--Wait, you mean they won't? They'll just wiretap me without a warrant instead? Oh. Whatever. That's cool, I guess."

The illegal NSA Eavesdropping Program created under President Bush under the guise of counter-terrorism information gathering has only grown since Obama came into office, and the Obama Administration says it plans to expand the program even further to help Arizona.

"As of today, our thinking is to double the size of the existing program," a spokesman for the Department of Justice said this morning. "Half will still be listening in on Americans for Muslimish, Islamicky-type things, and maybe a little phone sex here and there--and the new half will be listening for any Mexicanish, Hispanicky-type things." Later adding: "We kind of need to hurry and do this as fast as possible. You know, before the federal courts rule and a lot of us start heading off to prison. Carpe datum, am I right? Wow, tough crowd..."

The millions of outraged Americans fearful of the racial profiling and distrust of police that would result from the bill say incorporating the law into an extensive spying program already in place just makes sense.

"Hey, if I don't know it's happening, then I guess it really doesn't bother me," concluded Ms. Dominguez. "Just so long as I'm not physically inconvenienced, you know, like while driving somewhere or whatever--yeah, sure, I'm all for it."