This blog was originally posted on ThinkFinancially, Not Emotionally
It is not uncommon in the early days of divorce that the ideas of moving on, finding love, and feeling like you will ever recover are almost non-existent. For many, any thoughts about those things feel like an eternity to the reality of your life -- the emotional roller coaster, the difficulty communicating with your soon-to-be ex, and trying to make your life work, but in a different way.
Yet, oftentimes what helps people weather the many storms and the ups and downs that come with a divorce is feeling both hopeful and optimistic about their future -- despite how they feel at the moment. Experiencing the glimmers of a better, happier day when their divorce is a thing of the past allows for positive emotions to emerge and keeps them moving in a healthy direction. People hang on to those moments, even if they are initially outnumbered by the challenging and negative experiences. By doing so, they can begin to believe that, eventually, the tide will turn and the positive days will begin to outnumber the negative.
It is also during the hopeful and promising times that a person starts to have a mind shift from 'we' to 'me.' One can see this happening when they are beginning to feel hopeful about their future, envisioning what they want their new life to look like through fantasies and visualization, and imagining how they might create a better future -- one filled with possibilities. The possibility of being able to love again, having a healthy relationship, possibly a life with more solitude, or stronger family and friendships are all hopeful thoughts. Whatever one envisions, it is theirs to create!
Yet, to get from where you are to where you hope to be one day soon often means drawing on your imagination and recognizing that your impending divorce doesn't have to dictate where you are. It shouldn't define you -- and you shouldn't allow it to. If we give all our energy to our divorce, there will be little left over for the good -- we must remember the better things in life that await us around the corner.
Divorce is just the current chapter in your life. It may be a very long chapter, but it will eventually come to an end. And another chapter will begin. That's what hope springs from and, despite all the challenges in divorce, you will get there. You will feel love again -- have hope for your future.
Being hopeful again will start to carry you down a path of renewed belief not just in yourself, but also in your future. Hope carries us forward and through..
It is important that, while you are doing what you need to do to get through your divorce, you also focus on creating solitude, happiness, and what you need to do to create a better and different future. To find those answers, why not ask yourself these questions:
- What would you change about your current situation?
- What would you have done differently in your marriage?
- How did you change in the marriage? Was that a good thing?
- How do you imagine your next relationship to be? How do you want it to be?
- How will you be different?
- What changes will you want or need to make to get you to a better place?
- What changes did you make while married that you wish you hadn't?
Hope carries us forward and through.