As a sex educator and body empowerment coach for women, the results are in. Female Libidos have taken a big hit post election; my guess is that women are not alone. The reports that are coming in from between the sheets is well ---not much. With over 400 reports of violence since the election; the nation's unrest has become the reason for a lot of "Not tonight Dear, I have a headache."
It's hard to feel turned on when people are being flooded with images of fear, violence and feeling like there is a very deep threat to people's personal safety. People who have experienced various forms of sexual trauma are feeling triggered and shut down. Reports of women being grabbed and sexually confronted in abusive ways are increasing -- and some women are reporting that they feel erotically unsafe. It's always comforting to know when we feel something that we're not alone. So -- If you're having a great big post election libido crash: You're not alone. In warring nations, one of the first things that usually happens is an attack on the opposing sides female genitals. Between the nation's apparent dismissal of "Grab her pussy" and the threats against a woman's reproductive rights -- many women are feeling that fear deep in their DNA right now. The instinct may be to hide and become sexually invisible. Becoming a fuckless nation of sexually numb women is not the answer. In fact it's the opposite. We need more than ever for women to be tuned into their bodies -- and turned on.
Tips for a Post Election Libido Recover Plan For Women
1. Connect To Your Genitals.
Hold your genitals (simply cup them) with one hand and put your other hand on your heart. At Back to the Body, this position is taught to our women as the foundation for "Lotus Lift Meditation". You can do this too. Meditate in this position in the morning before you get out of bed; and before you go to sleep at night. Offer your genitals some gentle affirmations while you softly rock your hips; such as; "You are beautiful and powerful", "You have the right to pleasure", "You are powerful", "No one has the right to make choices for you but you."
2. Counsel With Your Parts.
Now that you have the basic "Lotus Lift" position down; while you are in this pose -- begin to internally ask your genitals what they need right now. Ask these questions with your inside or library voice. The questions may sound something like; "What do you need right now?", "Are you upset over anything?", "What would give you pleasure?" Stay in the lotus lift and allow your body to feel and listen to your internal GPS. Let the voice of your feminine rise up. Listen to your body. Give it what it needs. Sometimes it is just reassurance that you are not going to abandon yourself.
3. Conduct A "Yoni or Pussy" Puja Or Sacred Ritual.
In the Hindu culture there is a ritual act that is known as a "Yoni Puja". In this ritual, a stone or representative of a woman's genitals (you could use a flower) is set on an altar (you can create one by making space on a table of shelf, simply laying down a pretty linen), and then put an offering around your symbolic yoni. Offer your sacred parts things that will remind you of your own power and sensuality. Do a meditation at this altar giving yourself once again affirmations about your ability to be a creator and that your body is sacred. Women have been created to create and make change. Remind yourself that pleasure is a sacrament to being a woman -- and a pathway to change. You need the light in order to be in your full power. Allow yourself to turn it on. Woman are not here to be grabbed at -- when are here to be honored. Honor yourself in all the ways that feels good to you; dancing, a warm scented bath, special foods -- and then see how you are able to be honored as you step out in community.
4. Begin Self Pleasuring Again.
Find some time during your day to be alone and allow yourself to reconnect to your arousal and your orgasm. Let this be just for you and not shared with a partner.
5. Take Time With Your Appearance.
When I went to my local hair salon, I was told that business was way down. And same went for where I get my nails done. For many women; these are basic rituals of self adornment. Do what you have always done to feel good about yourself. Maybe do something different and see how that makes you feel. You might be surprised that you feel sexier in your own body again. Nurture yourself in feeling beautiful and well taken care of -- when we take the time to turn the attention back on ourselves we have more available to offer. If we feel like mud -- we will not have the energy to connect to our turn on. The world needs turned on women right now. It's how we connect to our power and life force energy.
6. Libido Rehab.
Maybe it's time for some serious libido rehab. Build a "turn yourself on" team. How do you want to step into 2017? I think that this is a year that you are going to need all the mojo you can muster. So reach out to your friends. Plan sexy adventures. Take on a sex coach. Maybe this is your year to take yourself on some kind of a sexy adventure or finally deal with what has been holding you back. It's time to get serious about our erotic energy and not allow our flame to get smaller.
Remember, you are your own power source.
If you give up on your libido, you are giving up on your own rocket fuel. This is a time to nurture your own erotic self and not hand over your power. We need women connected to their power source more than ever. Women are the most powerful, creative and alive when they are connected to their bodies and their own erotic energy. Remember when we do not insist on keeping connected to our bodies -- we begin to turn over our power to outside forces and become docile. Exercise your right for pleasure. Buy a new sex toy. Ask your lover to give you pleasure and help you reawaken even if you don't "feel like it". Do something outrageous like build a "Yoni Altar". Try doing a purification ceremony with your own body -- like go for a scrub or a steam to wash away the bad energy. Sometimes, we have to push through our own erotic distractions and sleepiness. Many women have been grieving; and in many cases so have our partners. Grief is not a turn on for most people. Come together to heal in pleasure and feel your power return.
I hope there is something here for you -- maybe you won't do any of these things -- maybe this will be a fire starter and that will be enough.
Pamela Madsen runs retreats around the world to help women re-connect to their bodies and sensuous nature and is author of the book; "Shameless: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner" (Rodale 2011)