As with sexism, racism is structural, systemic, hegemonic and favors one group over another
I write this to white feminists, but not on account of any separatist tendencies I might have, and rather because nonwhite women definitely do not need a white woman telling them anything about racism. On the contrary, what is necessary (fundamental, urgent!) is that we listen to them.
Whenever a nonwhite woman points out racism in our words and actions, or in a context that we do not readily perceive as racist, our immediate reaction must be to reflect, and not to jump on our own defense.
No one likes to be labeled a racist. Just as no one likes to be branded sexist. Calling someone sexist or racist might come across as abrupt and perhaps a little totalitarian. But that does not matter. It is not the caller who needs to deal with the calling; rather, it is the called.
We all agree that to be at the receiving end of the sexist stick is far worse than being labeled as sexist, thus I ask: why do we find it so difficult to understand that the same goes for racism?
"It's easier to remain in privilege than to stop and reflect."
"Must we draw to explain that one cannot expect people who suffer racism to be elegant whenever we point out racism? There comes a point when racism is unbearable. It is white people who must rethink their attitudes. "
"My family is mixed, and during a luncheon, two cousins and I decided to take a photo only with the black ones of us. A white cousin complained that she was being excluded, and countered our attitude by saying that she was going to take a picture with 'only the beautiful ones of us'. I told her she was being racist, and that caused a commotion. I know it was not her intention to be racist. But she was. However, it was requested that I be patient with her. My attitude was considered hostile. Hers was not. "
These are some reports I received from black women who participate in discussion groups I manage (and I leave them anonymous because the groups are closed and the messages were private).
These brief but powerful reflections capture an attitude that we, white feminists, deeply understand in relation to our experiences with sexism.
Our demands are often read as exaggerations, aggressions or madness by those who do not go through the gender oppression we experience. And as it turns out, we have no experience with racism. I find it very intriguing, therefore, that when nonwhite people point out our white privilege, we are so reluctant to hear, to assimilate, and to reflect about it. Similarly to what many men do whenever we point out their sexism, many white women do not hesitate to jump in our own defense when our racism is exposed.
We need to be more consistent with our ideals, and more responsible in our dialogues with women who have experiences of oppression that are not only different from ours, but committed by us.
Just as we expect men not to defend themselves on autopilot when we point out sexism that they do not understand as such, we need to understand that black women also hope that we do not defend ourselves on autopilot when they point racism that we do not understand as such.
White feminists must be willing to take on some wake up calls when it comes to racism.
It is tempting to think of ourselves as highly deconstructed people, but the impression we have of ourselves must match the reality of our actions – and when being shown the oppression that we do not suffer, thinking before defending ourselves is not optional; it is fundamental. And it is not that hard: it suffices to remember that being labeled a racist is much less painful than to suffer racism ...
I (a white person) am writing a text on racism (an affliction that white people definitely do not suffer from) even though nonwhite people (who do suffer racism, and very specific and acute forms of it) have been informing and educating us about racism (ours or the context’s) for years. And we are still reluctant to stop and reflect before we defend ourselves. We keep listening to each other far more than we listen to nonwhite people. Just like men keep listening to each other far more than they listen to women.
At the risk of making a simplistic analogy, I ask white feminists to see themselves as oppressors, when it comes to racism, just as I would ask men to do, when it comes to sexism. Reflecting before declaring that something is not what those who have experience in it say it is. This is what we expect of men regarding sexism. Is it too much to ask that we do the same for nonwhite people?
I often hear from white feminists that black women are aggressive or scornful when in dialogue with us. I personally do not like aggression and scorn, and avoid using these two strategies in my dialogic interactions. But this is my choice. If someone is aggressive, or mocks me, because of an act of racism I have committed, well, it's up to me to be understanding – after all, the violence started with my racist action.
The structural bias conveyed by the oppressor, even if unconscious, is undoubtedly more violent than any inflammatory rhetoric (which, frankly, I think more appropriate to call "tired") from the oppressed.
It does not matter if the language of those who point out prejudice is well or poorly articulated, didactic or pugnacious, gentle or rough. In cases of systemic oppression, the way in which the notice is given is less relevant than the content of the notice.
It is hard to recognize oneself as the oppressor. We think of ourselves as nice and understanding people with good hearts. But remember that, like sexism, racism is not (necessarily) evidence of evil character, or something that is (always) done on purpose.
As with sexism, racism is structural, systemic, hegemonic, and it perpetuates itself in our ignorance of it. And, as white people, racism benefits us.
We believe that we do not need to listen. We are reluctant to assimilate certain inconvenient truths. That we act this way while expecting to be understood ourselves is sheer evidence of our privilege. And the greater the privilege, the greater the need to listen.
Ironically, it also seems that the greater the privilege, the greater the difficulty in listening. But one thing must be understood: whoever has the experience in a specific form of oppression has the benefit of speech when that oppression arises.
I greatly appreciate the women who, either through text, music, images or even via direct interactions, actively collaborate to the deconstruction of racism that we might not we anticipate.
We do not accept that the men explain our experience with sexism because we know they do not have that experience. We do not suffer from racial oppression, so we need to come down from our tower of privileges and act in the deconstruction of racial oppression, not foster it further. And for that to happen, first we need to listen.
Some criteria are essential for dialogue to occur in equitable ways, and the relationship between listening and structural oppression is the first one. Dialogue takes work. This must be why people flee from dialogue: it is easier and comforting to not get into conflict and live with our own perfect truths.
But if everyone – especially those who are in positions of privilege – would enter into dialogue with the same willingness to listen as we show to talk, I am convinced that talking about thorny issues would not be that hard.
We problematize the problematization of the problem: "she was aggressive," or "dialogue is two-way" or "respect is for everyone." But all this is noise if the problem remains where it has always been: on our attachment to our own egoic privileges which prevent us from seeing what that it is the sum of our experiences and those of others that which enables dialogue. Everybody wants to speak, but listening? Not so much. And listening is what is most needed.
Listening takes work. Empathizing takes work. Understanding an experience we don’t have takes work. Change takes work. Justice takes work. The message from Rihanna goes further than Drake: everyone has to work work work work work work.
Listening, reflecting, changing one’s mind, dealing with being the oppressor… These things take hard work, and they can be frustrating. But work and frustration are part of life. It is salutary to put our egos in check, because this makes us more mature. Checking our ego is a great way to understanding the world from the perspective of the Other.
A reporter once asked US feminist Gloria Steinem (who is white) what she would say to nonwhite women who do not feel addressed by feminism, and the activist famously replied. "I don’t say anything. I listen."
I was lucky to come across this interview early in my activism, and this made me seek knowledge produced by nonwhite women. And on a spectrum that goes from Maya Angelou to M.I.A., what I have learned, and still learn, that is most useful, ethical and fair was and is produced by nonwhite women.
We need to recognize the benefits of our whiteness. We need to know that social readings of structural problems should be made despite the individual rhetoric of our interlocutors.
There is a wealth of material available on the subject, and it is highly recommended that white feminists acquire knowledge produced by nonwhite women. And it is essential that we listen, and that we reflect better about the oppressive character of our own attitudes.
I leave you with the sharp words of Audre Lorde, Caribbean-American writer, feminist lesbian and civil rights activist: “Some problems we share as women, some we do not. You fear your children will grow up to join the patriarchy and testify against you; we fear our children will be dragged from a car and shot down in the street, and you will turn your backs on the reasons they are dying.”
*A version of this article was originally published in portuguese in Carta Capital