You won’t find many articles, forums, and blogs on Fibromyalgia and Personal Relationships out there. Doctors ask you about your symptoms, but they don’t talk to you about the personal impact it has on you and your spouse/partner or family members.
This has an enormous impact on your personal life and those that are around you. It is very hard for someone to understand what you are going through when you visibly seem fine. It is hard for them to understand the amount of pain that you are truly in as you seem fine. It is hard for them to understand why you can’t do things the way you used to or why you can’t do certain things.
We are such visual people when it comes to an illness that it is hard for anyone to see someone with an illness and look normal as they call it. You try and act as normal as possible all the while you are just in so much pain and just want to actually do things that you used to be able to do. It is hard as a mother and wife to not fix the issues as that is what we do.
I know that my relationship with my husband is not like it used to be as I get tired faster and easier, I am so sensitive to touch, my skin is more sensitive, I hurt all the time. This makes it truly hard to be the wife, I used to be.
Fibro does not just impact you but those you love as well. They now have to make changes and accept changes that they have not had to before. Their life now has changed as well. They go from having a wife that was full of life and energy to someone who is in bed by 9 or 10 and has no energy. They go from being able to eat anything to you having to change your diet and watch what you eat, making it hard to go out to dinner.
They go from having a wife that can have an occasional drink with them to a wife that can no longer do that. They go from having a wife that they can come up and touch and hug whenever to a wife that hurts when touched.
See the impact it has on them is hard because they begin to wonder if it is them and is something wrong. They question if you love them. They question if you are not attracted to them any longer. They question if there is someone else. When in reality none of that is the case. You truly love your spouse and you yourself want things to be the way they are but Fibro has thrown a wrench in things and you are still trying to figure out how to not be in pain and at the same time keep the impact as minimal as possible for both your spouse and your family.
Mentally, this can be draining as you want so bad for your life to be the way it used to be but you know that it never will. You know that these changes you are going through and have gone through cannot be stopped or reversed. All you can do is try and figure out a common ground to please yourself and your family. This is a hard thing to do because you yourself are still trying to get your head around your illness.
It is hard to stay on the green platform when it comes to your family and husband and you are trying to fix something that you know you can’t fix. It is hard to see your husband have to change because of something an invisible illness that even you are still trying to get your head around.
I know that I need to stay on the green platform and that is why I try my best now to not let my illness have such an impact on my family and husband. Do I fail, yes, I do fail at times, especially when I have had my day not go as planned as I let the stress of the situation get the best of me.
You have to put yourself in their shoes and understand what they are going through as well and they have to put themselves in your shoes to understand what you are going through. You have to communicate and be open and honest with each other so that they know when you are hurting and when you are frustrated because if you keep it bottled up they can’t help you or understand and will automatically think it is them when it is not.
Fibro is not a fun illness at all and one that it is even harder to understand sometimes, but if you take that breath and stop and count for “to 5” backwards as Mel Robbins says it totally changes the way you approach and react.
Our families are there to support us and we also have to support them, but they can’t help or understand if we don’t communicate with them. Have them go to the doctor with you, talk to them and always stay as positive as you can.
Will there be more changes and impacts on my family and husband? Yes, I know there will be, and I will take each one on a positive note because once I give into the negative and creep over to the red platform I have let my illness win and control my life. Staying positive lets me win each time.
Always remember to stop, take a breath and be positive!
Aimee Reese is passionate about bringing awareness to others about Fibromyalgia. Aimee has been living with Fibromyalgia for years, but officially diagnosed five years ago. Aimee is the founder of The Green Platform Assistant where she believes “In order for you to grow you have to start with knowing who you are.” Aimee believes by staying positive and on the Green Platform it helps get through the most difficult times when living with an invisible illness. Aimee lives in Kentucky with her husband Eric and two children.
Contact Aimee: aimee@thegreenplatformassistant.com