"Finance Associate Hits Hard Times As He Must Now Snort Coke Through $1 Instead Of $20 Bills"

"Finance Associate Hits Hard Times As He Must Now Snort Coke Through $1 Instead Of $20 Bills"
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NYMag

Wall Street has had to make serious cutbacks after an underwhelming financial quarter, creating a culture shift within the industry. Junior associate, Whitney Bachman, recently was informed that his yearly bonus is to be withheld, leaving him with a paltry $135,000. “I feel betrayed” stated Bachman, “I am truly part of the first generation worse off than our parents. My dad did lines with $100 bills off of strippers butts. Hell, that’s how he met my stepmom!” Meanwhile, Bachman’s biological mother continues to choose to not see the powdered, rolled-up dollar bills strewn around her son’s Murray Hill apartment on her monthly visits.

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