There are two different voices battling inside of me.
I've realized this as I've been reading the novel Traveling with Pomegranates, which my mom sent me as a gift.
The book explores the sacred and challenging relationship that can exist between mother and daughter. The mother and daughter in this real life story travel to Athens where they learn about ancient Greek history and traditions.
They learn that there are goddesses who rules over pretty much everything. There is a goddess of ambition as well as a goddess of dwelling with a sense of ease. The mother in the book realizes that these two goddesses have been at play inside of her, sometimes at odds with one another.
I caught a glimpse of myself within this story. A glimpse that made me both a twinge sad and somewhat confused.
My own mother represents the latter goddess very well. She's had a fulfilling career as a teacher but my prominent memories of her are at home. How happy she is "poking around the garden," or rolling out dough to make a blueberry pie, or just sitting in the sun room reading a magazine.
She has an ease with herself and her life.
As a child, this is who I was.
My life felt the most full when I was helping in the garden, tending to my animals, sitting on the wooden porch chair with my eyelids closed to the sun, and enjoying bagels with fresh tomato on Sunday mornings.
But now I have another voice raging inside of me. The voice of ambition.
The voice that is driving me to be more and do more. Telling me to push myself harder and not to settle. I have to stop and ask myself, "When did this voice take over? And why?"
When did I stop allowing myself to live with ease? When did I think that I wasn't enough as I am?
Now, I think that in many ways this voice has served me. I have a gift to share, as we all do, and it's helped me to get outside of my comfort zone long enough to spread my wings.
But I also know that our society rewards productivity and achievement. Many of us have plenty of that, but has it come at a cost?
The desire to excel breeds hurriedness.
And one thing I know is that in my journey to share more, write more, enjoying more and love more, I don't want to rush.
I want to tap back into that sensitive little girl with the wild curls who could sit for hours on the porch swing just petting her cat and enjoying the sun on her face (here is a picture of me with my own mother).
In other words, I want to find the eternal inside the ordinary moment.
The other day, I had a call with my client. We've been talking about bringing joy into everyday life. She said that she couldn't wait to tell me how the other night she had sat quietly with a glass of wine and savored her dinner. How she noticed the color and taste of everything in a way she doesn't normally notice, and felt a profound gratitude for life.
We've all known these moments. And the beautiful thing is that you don't need a lot of time to find the eternal in a common moment.
It is always available to you.
Enrollment to the Crazy Wild Love Academy is open for just a few more days. I'll be closing the doors on the 23rd, as in 2 days from now! I can't believe how fast time is flying.
I'd love for you to join us in our quest to make the ordinary, extraordinary.