American Patriots Shoot Fireworks At Each Other From Their Butts

Somewhere in this great nation, a bald eagle is shedding a freedom tear with pride.

On July 4th, patriots Leroy and Sugarbush went above and beyond to display their American heritage, with one man donning a Lucha Libre mask and little else.

Inserting fireworks into their butts, the two men fired spectacular rockets at one another.

As the intense battle raged on, one of the men can be heard giggling uncontrollably. Though it's hard to see from the initial angle just where the fireworks were placed, HuffPost Weird did some deep digging and found another angle showing the mayhem:

So who won? The answer is nobody, America. You should never, ever try this. This year, we've seen too many sad examples of what can go wrong with stunts like this.

But also, America.