Hi. Welcome to my first blog on HuffPost.
Me? I started as a journalist, morphed into a stand up comedian with a right-wing POV, and then - when my politics changed in 2005 - took a long (and currently continuing) break from comedy. (There's a bio in here for all the specifics if you really care.)
Which brings me to the first topic: When we blog about something four seconds after it happens, we have to admit when we're wrong, if we find out we are.
And for me, that means Bill Sparkman.
First, this happened right after lunatic Minnesota Cock-A-Doodle-Doofus Michele Bachmann went off on census workers. One was found dead at the corner of "Deliverance" and "Squeal like a piggie" with the word "FED" scrawled on his chest, and everybody assumed it was an anti-government attack -- including me.
So, does this a-hole from Minnesota get to continue walking around like she’s not complicit in the death of this census worker? Or do we finally start holding people accountable for their words and actions?
I’m sure she’ll wake up tomorrow, surrounded by thread count and people telling her what she wants to hear. I’m sure tomorrow, she’ll blather on about something with zero insight, and no concern for consequence.
And Bill Sparkman will be dead.
Congratulations, Michele Bachmann, lunatic from Minnesota. You’ve made a difference.
Woo! Look at me! Right on top of it!
Then, today's story.
(ChattahBox)—Nearly two-months after the naked body of census worker, Bill Sparkman, 51, was found hanging from a tree in a remote forest in Kentucky with the word “fed,” scrawled on his chest, authorities are no closer to solving the case. And they still are investigating Sparkman’s death, as a suicide despite the fact that his hands were bound and he was hanging from a tree.
Authorities investigating Sparkman’s death told the Associated Press that they are becoming increasingly doubtful that the census worker’s death was the result of anti-government sentiment. And they may be settling on a conclusion of suicide.
As evidence that Sparkman’s death may have been due to suicide, authorities point to the fact that his hands were loosely bound, still affording the census worker some mobility to manipulate the rope tied to a tree. Authorities say Sparkman died of asphyxiation where his body was found.
Investigators also point to the absence of defensive wounds on Sparkman’s body.
Woo! Look at me! Probably way off.
Look, maybe this guy hanged himself. Maybe he was starting to write "FEDerline Sucks" on his chest and he only got through first three letters. (Too soon?) All I know is that regardless, it's a tragedy and there are were connections to be made between the rabid attacks on census workers, and this guy's death.
But the fact is, I went off half-cocked. I jumped to conclusions. And that's what Glenn Beck is for.
Look... I still despise Michele Bachmann. I think she's stringy inside and out, a despicable opportunistic loon, and if she wasn't the Washington idea of what a surprisingly attractive woman is, she'd be on the same "nobody cares what you have to say" bus with Carrie Prejean and Sarah Palin.
I think she's a dangerous bucket of race-war-starting manipulation and intellectual dishonesty.
The jury's still out on Sparkman's death - tragic regardless - but I should have waited. And what I won't do was "well, it could've been so the opinion stands!" With that logic, it could have been Daniel Boone's Zombie. Not good enough to let sit.
Perhaps I was wrong on this one. It seems as if I might have been. And in a world where the first blog up wins, that probably happens more than it should.
So for this piece, and maybe going forward in my adventures on HuffPost, you can help me:
1) Enjoy.
2) Disagree with me if I'm wrong. How else will I know? You may convince me that I am.
3) Share with Facebook friends, Myspace friends, Friends Friends... or your enemies. If you agree with me, read me. If I drive you nuts, send me to your buddies to piss them off. I make a great gag gift.
4) Go to my website: Marmel.com or join me on Twitter at @MARMEL. Join the fanpage on Facebook. Isn't that how it all works these days?
5) And most importantly, engage. If you think I'm right or wrong, I want to know. And man, when I'm squirming from the bottom of the "I screwed up" well, I'm a hoot. It would be the journalistic equivalent of busting me shirtless on "Cops."
I like this place. I find it worthwhile and am looking forward to it. It's my next level of Jackassery on a brand new platform. Twice a week, although today's special. Today, I got my account.
It's gonna be great to be here.
And whether you're reading me because you like the stuff, or watching me like Nascar hoping for the latest blog-related car crash, I'll be glad to have you on board.