I have a friend who from the very moment we met, we were soul sisters. She had just moved out to LA from NY and was given my number by a mutual friend. From the moment I opened my door, there was an instant connection between us. We had so much in common and have been best friends ever since.
I have another friend I met barely a year ago and I consider him to be my soul brother. From the moment we met, there was an instant connection between us and we've become amazing friends. We have absolutely NOTHING in common. But he challenges me in ways that push me so far outside my comfort zone, I often want to punch him in the face.
Coincidentally, it is because of Best Friend #1 that I met Best friend #2 and I credit both of them with keeping me out of what I call the "Rabbit Hole" on a daily basis. Although I am extremely flattered when people tell me how impressed and inspired they are by my strength and ability to move forward after what has been a very rough 18 months, I want people to know that I have many days I am not strong at all. There are days I still cry as I mourn the loss of the life I once had. There are days I still feel sorry for myself because I'm convinced I'll never "be enough". There are days I still allow the thoughts and actions of the person I used to love make me feel like I'm a horrible human being who should be burned at the stake. Like many people, I wrap up much of my self-worth in what other people think of me. I'm still learning self-love. I'm a work in progress and I'm learning how to separate "me" - the me I know I truly am, from the "me" other people project onto me.
I think we all do this. We know the truth about ourselves, yet we allow the opinions of other people tell us something different. My friend and "soul brother" asked me a really challenging question recently that forced me do some real inner work: "What does being GOOD ENOUGH look like to you, separate from what anyone else thinks?"
That was a really tough question. Because up to this point, I have always based me being "good enough" at anything whether it be my job, my parenting skills, or my romantic relationships on what other people thought, instead of what I knew to be true. So I've developed 5 daily practices to feeling "good enough" separate from what anyone else thinks of me:
1. Let Go of the Approval of Others
Do you know how much time and energy I've wasted caring what everyone in the world thinks of me and my life? OMG. Shoot me now. Who cares? If you're living your life with integrity, and being true to yourself and what you know makes you happy, then do it. Stop worrying about what other people are saying about you and what they think. Everyone has an opinion. Let them enjoy spouting it to whoever will listen. You don't need to take it on.
2. Be Your Best Self Every day
My best self looks different from your best self. Me "getting in some exercise" may be three days a week of walking and that's enough to make me feel good whereas yours might be five days a week of Cross Fit and running 10 miles. But if I feel that every day I'm giving 100 percent to my work, my kids and the people I care about in my life, than I have something to feel good about.
3. Stop Comparing Yourself to Other People
This is my biggest crime. The one that typically puts me in the rabbit hole. There is always going to be someone else who makes more money, lives in a bigger house, has what you think is a happier relationship, better behaved kids or a better body. Whatever. Feeling good enough means using ME as the bar. Not somebody else.
4. Keep a Gratitude Journal
No matter how crappy my day is, at the end of it I can find at least 5 things I'm grateful for. It might be as basic as, "I have a roof over my head," to "I kept the kids alive today." WIN!
5. Surround Yourself With People Who Truly Love You
Want a sure fire way to feel "good enough"? Surround yourself with people who think you are amazing. People who laugh at your jokes. Adore your little quirks... value your opinion and ask your advice. Family members who stick by you even on your worst day. Your "Soul" brother or sister who pulls you out of the rabbit hole when you've slipped down again and reminds you what a beautiful, funny, intelligent, strong, amazing, phenomenal person you are. With them in your life, you will *always* feel "good enough."