Flash! Mexican Voters Protest Primary!

Thousands of voters today took to the streets of cities across Mexico to protest the selection of the primary color red to be applied to Mexico's side of the border wall proposed by U.S. presidential candidate Donald Trump. The protesters were incensed by the disqualification of thousands of write-in ballots favoring shades within Trump's hair color spectrum, including "cornstalk" "chaff," "baby chick," and "John Deere tractor."

Said one disgruntled voter, "I believe we should choose a color that will trigger revulsion in anyone with a sixth grade education, a color no one likes for a different reason every day."

Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto believes the dispute will be resolved quickly, and announced that one major obstacle had already been overcome:

I am pleased to report that we have received donations from some of the great cultural philanthropies of America that are sufficient to pay the entire cost of the project. I want to thank, in particular, 'The George Will Trust but Verify Trust,' 'The Charles Koch Foundation for Rectifying Cataclysmic Mistakes,' 'The Sherwin Williams Second Coming Fund' and Carl Icahn. I also want to acknowledge 'Jeb! 2016.' for its generous I.O.U.

Overseeing the massive project will be the artist Christo, who in 1976 erected an 18 foot high, 24.5-mile long fabric fence across Sonoma and Marin counties in northern California. Said Christo:


"The Mexicans were throwing around names like Diego Rivera, Frida Kahlo and Rufino Tamayo, but they decided pretty quickly that those people were wrong for the project. First, they were all dead. Second, I was the only one who had done anything like a wall. I know what's involved and I know that everyone's going to call it hermosillo, or whatever. So the Mexicans did the only sane thing and picked me."

A host of distinguished international figures have volunteered their time to the project, including aircraft interior designer Carlos Cosio Castillo, the Pope, and the leaders of the free world. Although the work is planned to proceed from West to East on a normal working schedule, another of the volunteers, Banksy, will be permitted to choose the locations and times of his contributions.

When asked about a completion date, President Nieto noted that the work could not proceed faster than the wall is built.

"If, as Mr. Trump has said, the wall will be built when the Mexican government has committed to pay for it," said Nieto, "I believe a conservative estimate for completion is never."