Follow The Gray Asphalt Road: Wisdom In The Ghetto

I needed to test myself or something. So I veered off the path. My personal path. Looking to feel inspired, but only found sadness. Looking to make a difference, but the difference pulled me into dark places. I was scared and I liked it. The experience excited me, a sensation I tried hard not to understand.

Let me explain. It was a new personal project.

I decided to drive through Fifth Ward, one of the most oppressive parts of Houston, to photograph how dogs live. They are allowed to roam. They live outside on chains to protect property. Some with food and water and some without. And so many people, including those who live just miles from the area, have no idea it resembles a third world country. I wanted to make people aware. I guess.

I set a rule that I couldn't go out there by myself. After breaking the first rule (of not picking up any dogs), I realized I could easily head out by myself and that scared me without any of the excitement. My restlessness for the next thing turned into hopelessness. This needed to be the end for now.

"Back where I come from there are men who do nothing all day but good deeds. They are called phila... er, phila... er, yes, er, Good Deed Doers." --Wizard of Oz

So, I posted a photo of this stray mastiff mix guy in pretty bad shape on Facebook and within 24 hours Houston K911 Rescue saw my plea, picked him up, and newly named Demetrius was on his way to love and safety. Soon, he will be transported to rescue partners Rescue Dogs Rock NYC.

This is Demetrius. A sweet and sad boy destined to live his life on the dangerous streets of the 5th Ward.When Robyn...

Posted by Anna Barbosa on Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Then there were the shepherd siblings. That rescue mission was a bit more complicated and I got involved in the process, thereby breaking the third rule. But they are now also safe and will transport to Colorado via Rescued Pets Movement.

And finally, this little bouncing puppygirl. A stray lab mix who I regretted leaving behind. She was eating garbage on the ground next to the dumpster and running the streets. We checked back daily after the same NYC group saw this photo and wanted to take her into their program also. She is now safe, but finding a foster for her was difficult. And it was only for 2 weeks. Houston rescue organizations consistently stay full. There is a horrible crisis in this city.

Da 'hood is no place for an empath. We are people who absorb others' feelings, conditions, and energies like a sponge. Last week I experienced one of the worst rheumatoid arthritis bouts I've had in a while and my knees swelled up like balloons with water. And I cried. Not that beautiful cry like when you know it's from a soulful, mystical, happy place..but the cry that is just plain desperate. Another way my body was responding to the choices I made.

The moment I made the decision to not return, I felt lighter in so many ways. It's a dark place and I feel for the dogs there, but I feel too much...is the only way I can tell you...

"As for you, my galvanized friend, you want a heart. You don't know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." --Wizard of Oz

I got lost. I wanted to have a deep experience. I wanted to accomplish some things in a place that needed it. But there was no compass. Just some notes and scribbles on a printed out map of the area. I was reminded that we can CHOOSE what lens we look through. We can CHOOSE our subjects. Our social network. Netflix movies. Books. Friends. I always try to make the best next decision. And this time I veered off the road. My lens got muddy. And I was risking my life in the process.

"Why, anybody can have a brain. That's a very mediocre commodity. Every pusillanimous creature that crawls on the Earth or slinks through slimy seas has a brain. Back where I come from, we have universities, seats of great learning, where men go to become great thinkers. And when they come out, they think deep thoughts and with no more brains than you have. But they have one thing you haven't got: a diploma." --Wizard of Oz

I HAVE changed. It was all a test. To see if I would put myself first. And I did. I've come too far in my health and happiness to go back now. (Long story, but I'll circle back around in a later blog, I'm sure). And "in the trenches" rescue work does not bring out the best in me. I know this.

I was thinking about myself and the photos I could capture too much. I was busy worrying about what "they" were doing and how to change their behavior, when I just really needed to look out for mine. I lost my way. Humility at its finest. So now I'm headed in the right direction. With my personal GPS whispers. Sit still and you'll be able to hear yours lead the way too.

"You, my friend, are a victim of disorganized thinking. You are under the unfortunate impression that just because you run away you have no courage; you're confusing courage with wisdom." --Wizard of Oz

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