"I have been a Seeker and still am
But I stopped asking the books and the stars.
I started listening to the teaching of my Soul."
Growing up I saw my mother and other women role models around me giving of themselves selflessly. In our culture, and as women, we are conditioned to adopt the role of the giver. We are constantly giving. We become so busy and efficient that we can barely feel ourselves, nor recognize how empty we have allowed our selves to become.
It was not until very recently, in the company of many wise women at a workshop in Sedona, that I realized how completely preoccupied I had been all my life about what I could do and give to others: my family, my friends, my employees and my clients. So focused and obsessed about taking care of everyone, and making each of them happy, that I had forgotten about my own self.
I believe many of us can relate to this. When you have experienced betrayal of the worst kind, when you have experienced a near death, and when all is taken away from you: your relationships, your material possessions, your sense of self and who you thought you were because you identified yourself by what you did, by your relationships: mother, daughter, wife, sister, friend, then you are brought to your knees. And just as suddenly, because you no longer have to prove yourself to anyone any longer, you are forced to go within. You delve deep into your soul searching relentlessly for answers but finding none that make any sense.
And yet it all made sense now. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that was why I was brought to this place today. Everything that happened in the past was absolutely perfect.
When your only measure in life is determined by your material possessions and what you can provide, then you see a loving family, a wonderful circle of friends and a slew of admirers. But when all that is no longer a part of you, then one by one they slowly disappear from your life. The artificial world having been removed now, reality sinks in and you wake up to see that God is still standing with you and holding you in the Palm of His Hands.
Everything that you were crying for and all the questions that you sought answers to, none of those mattered any longer. You are now fulfilled beyond words and you feel certain that you have a much bigger purpose in this life. You are convinced without the shadow of a doubt that the journey you are meant to take has no room for any artificial relationships. And that even when you are alone, you know that you will never again be lonely. Because the God Presence in your life has your back and will always take care of you and help you continue to forge forward with confidence and grace.
Having woken up from this deep slumber, and left with nothing to be afraid of any longer, I feel a lightness and peace that is indescribable. It is like living in a dessert starved for water, and so hungry for knowledge, yet moving with each breath confidently in anticipation of what is coming into my life. I feel freer, unburdened and ready.
Picking myself up and putting the pieces of my heart back together to try and love again and restore my faith in humanity is a task that I strive toward each single day. In the waiting I am taking care of myself, not only feeding my soul but also nourishing my body. I know that I, and only I, am responsible for my health and happiness. My real life journey has just begun and I am filled with joyous anticipation...
I implore you to do the same. It is time to listen to your inner voice, be honest with yourself. You will discover qualities in yourself that have been waiting to be recognized. Qualities like receptivity and strength, dignity and kindness, joy and serenity. People will demand many things from you but ask yourself what feels best? What space are you most yourself in? What rhythm does your energy continually vibe effortlessly with? Those are the very best people for you to surround yourself with. They are nourishment. Take notice.
To nourish yourself is to empower yourself, and when you do so, you are ready to receive life's gifts to you. Above all, be mindful how you are nurturing yourself in these areas:
- Inner Connection: What brings you joy, and what makes you happy? Adversely what makes you tense or unhappy? What are your values in life and what matters most to you? Know and be yourself.
"There is a life-force within your soul, seek that life.
There is a gem in the mountain of your body, seek that mine.
O Traveler, if you are in search of that, don't look outside,
Look inside yourself and seek that."
© Rani St. Pucchi, 2016
This article first appeared on www.ranistpucchi.com