Many of our most thoughtful environmentalists are telling us that our planet is facing an unfathomable calamity. The combination of unbridled overpopulation and increasing greenhouses gases puts us on a path to destroy Mother Earth...unless we do something now. Two of the major suggestions to prevent such disaster were unveiled this week: in England, scientists suggested creating compulsory restriction on family sizes, to reduce the global population. Meanwhile researchers in Japan suggest an end to eating meat, since the environmental cost of a few pounds of beef is responsible for more pollution than driving a car for three hours.
I have examined this problem closely and realize there is a simple answer to this dilemma. If overpopulation and consumption of animals cause major harm to our planet, then we can simply eradicate both threats through cannibalism.
Let's eat each other.
Like acupuncture and Yoga, cannibalism has been around for many centuries. And as you know, we progressives are willing to embrace anything associated with ancient, spiritual cultures. And believe me, you can't get much more ancient or spiritual than a self-consuming practice that protects animals while paying tribute to our lovely planet. What I'm talking about is a healing process for the earth.
But in a pot.
With carrots and maybe some spring potatoes.
And really, in order to embrace modern environmentalism, you must reject any exceptionalism about humanity, or any possibility that something good might come from creating more people.
So dig in. I suggest we start with Al Gore. He's got some tender meat on those bones!
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