You have likely heard portmanteaus for your entire life, even if you are not exactly sure what to call them. A portmanteau is a combination of the most recognizable parts of two words, in a way that sounds fun and, ideally, indicates that they've been combined. The Atlantic Wire wrote an amazing guide to creating good portmanteaus, which you should read and giggle at, right after you read our list of the food portmanteaus we wish would die. Our favorite food portmanteau is also one of the most common: spork, a combination spoon and fork.
These portmanteaus are not good ones. These ones are kitschy at best, grating at worst, frequently perpetrated by brands and nearly always just too cute to live. These portmanteaus need to die. We're sorry. It's time.