You know that old expression -- "Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me"? Basically, it's saying that the first time someone screws you over, it's on them. Second time? That one's on you. In dating, it's often difficult not to engage in the same behaviors on repeat. We're creatures of habit and fall into the same patterns over and over again. So to make sure that I avoid these situations as much as possible, I frequently reflect on my past performances and decide which ones work best and which need to be retired. At the forefront of these decisions is the fact that if a date doesn't solidify with someone I've been talking to for 2-plus weeks, all communication must be ceased.
As adamant as I usually am about these rules, every now and again, I experience a moment of weakness where I break them. Such was the case with a recent OK Cupid prospect. Two months ago, I started chatting with a tall, Jewish, handsome, runner who also happened to be employed. Though it doesn't seem like these qualities are all that difficult to find in one person, you'd be surprised at the rarity of this particular combination. Needless to say, I was excited to chat.
A few emails were exchanged. We switched to text. A date was set but it happened to be the night of the first Seder. Bad Jews, the both of us had goofed on the date and upon realizing our faux pas decided to reschedule. Another week passed. I asked when we'd reschedule. He played the usual games putting it off a few days. Finally, I said, enough is enough -- make a date or let's stop chatting. Another date was set.
At this point, we were communicating fairly frequently. He asked about my dating situation as I did his. I told him I was casually dating a few people and he said "If we were to go out and click, I'd expect you to stop dating them -- I'm a one gal type of guy." Now, this isn't usually my style -- I wait for things to get serious before becoming exclusive, but I indulged him and said sure why not. He also said that were he to meet someone prior to our meeting and they clicked, he'd cancel on me. In today's day and age, I found this whole thing to be beyond bizarre. Everyone dates lots of people casually until they find someone worthy of exclusivity. But hey, everyone's got their own strange.
Anyway, a week passed and we neared our date. He'd requested a Saturday night--a night that I rarely indulge in(for) first dates as there's no escaping if things go South--but gave into it because what are rules for if not to be broken. He also quite presumptuously asked me to reserve Sunday brunch as well. As if.
The day before the date, I jokingly texted that we'd made it to the date without his meeting someone else and I was looking forward to finally talking face to face. He responded with the claim that he'd actually meant the following week. Calling bullsh*it on him, he finally admitted that he messed up the night and had other plans. At this point, I was ready to throw in the towel and I'm sure most of you readers are thinking: why the hell did she put up with this. But I can't explain it -- there was something intriguing about our dynamic that kept me coming back for more. I probed a bit asking what his deal was and he admitted that he'd been intentionally evasive because he was uncomfortable that I was dating other guys.
I'm definitely not one to indulge in jealousy, especially when I've never even met the person and I said cool, thanks for coming clean but no dice. You wasted my time too many times and I'm not digging it. When the threat of ceased communication was presented to him, he backpedaled and apologized profusely setting a definitive, no questions asked date for the following Wednesday.
Over the weekend, things intensified further. After essentially blowing me off for two months, he asked no less than five times to come meet him over the weekend saying how excited he was to finally get together. Repeated claims of "I'm so into you" were sent my way. Now don't get me wrong, over time, I can get all about the affection but I'm much more of a slow burn type so this effusive outpouring of feeling was intense and to be honest, a bit off-putting. Each time he asked to meet, I gently joked that he'd waited two months to meet me, what's another three days.
Sunday night was the epitome of contact. He called me and we spoke for about 30 minutes. We hung up and he immediately texted "I love hearing your voice. I want to call again." Gently once more, I said, I have to go to sleep. He called again anyway. Twice. In our conversations, he told me that he'd deleted his online dating profile because he felt such a strong connection with me and it was going to be boom or bust. At this point, I was definitely feeling WTF about the whole thing.
Monday was more of the same. He asked for my email so we could chat at work. Again, all cute but definitely a bit of a head scratcher. He'd gone from 0-60 so fast I didn't know what to do with it. That evening, I had drinks with friends and he had a business drinks/dinner. Once with my gals, I told them about this guy and the group was split about whether he sounded cute or crazy. The next day I woke up expecting to see a text from him as that had been the pattern we'd developed. But when noon rolled around without hearing anything, I reached out to him.
He finally wrote back that he'd clicked romantically with his business contact and, never able to be more than a one-woman kind of guy, was going to focus on that and see where it went.
I hope your jaw is on the floor at this point because I'm still in the process of picking mine up. The only rational explanation is that I was catfished. Something was VERY not right about this guy and if two months of delays wasn't enough to solidify things for me, his final act of craziness certainly did. He's since reached out apologizing for his erratic behavior and admitted remorse at his decision. But the truth is, based on his behavior, it seems like I dodged a bullet on that one. So I guess Mr. Crazy, wherever you are and if you ever read this, thanks.