COMEDY

For The First Time In 14 Billion Years, The Universe Endorsed A Candidate

The infinite everything of the cosmos is #WithHer.

The Universe ― aka, all that is, was and ever shall be ― has never been very secretive or reserved. But it has always maintained a sense of objectivity.

However, that all changed Tuesday when the Universe endorsed Hillary Clinton. Shockingly, it’s the first time the Universe has endorsed a Milky Way, Solar System, Earth, or United States presidential candidate in its 14-billion-year history. 

So, despite how irritating the hipster community’s claims have been, it appears that Brooklyn, New York, specifically the intersection of President St. and Clinton St., is in fact the center of the Universe. 

When reached for comment, the Universe said:

 

Meanwhile, Donald Trump still maintains an unflinching endorsement from the Ku Klux Klan.

Editor’s note: Donald Trump regularly incites political violence and is a serial liar, rampant xenophobe, racist, misogynist and birther who has repeatedly pledged to ban all Muslims — 1.6 billion members of an entire religion — from entering the U.S.

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