Most of my life I have felt like a square peg in a round hole that never quite fits in.
In elementary school, I was too smart, sensitive and sincere and therefore not cool enough to fit in because the rich, popular girls were mean and would play pranks on each other that I felt awful about (frozen underwear and mouthfuls of shaving cream at sleepovers -- ugh).
In junior high school, I was too cool -- smoking "butts" as we would say in Maine, skipping class, yet also in the honors program and simultaneously in a youth counseling program exploring feelings, choices and healthier communication.
I was acting out wildly, yet I was also educating myself in what was happening internally that was causing me to act out.
On to being put in a drug rehab: I didn't fit in because I was so young (14). I was also busted for making myself throw up -- eating disorders! Boom! -- transferred to an eating disorder rehab. What about the pills I was caught taking in the eating disorder rehab? Transferred back to another drug rehab.
Oh yeah -- and I was also suicidal -- transferred to yet another institution that had more security and surveillance. Eventually I was moved to a longer care facility that addressed all of this, yet was kicked out of there for taking nudie pics with some of the other girls to send to some of the guys in there. (I am laughing tenderly as I remember this one -- oh what I thought I had to do to get a guy to like me).
After my near death wake-up-call, I was guided to go on a spiritual pilgrimage. So I embarked on a Euro backpacker circuit, yet I was too spiritual for all the drunk Aussie-infested hostels in Europe. Then, I decided to start staying in communes, monasteries and nunneries in Asia. Let's just say I did not fit into any of the Burmese temple programs, nor the Ammachi house rules in South India that were silent.
Plus, I was twice the size of the little Asian ladies and the gowns didn't fit me and I laughed too loud at inappropriate times.
I did not fit into the hippie scene as much as I tried to convince myself because I actually enjoy washing my hair with shampoo instead of vinegar.
I do not fit into the Malibu barbie scene because it is unlikely that I will ever NOT have cellulite or ever poof my lips with injectables -- plus I yawn at the cocktail parties where mega-millionaires are talking about their assets all night long. I am left wondering what they are secretly hoping I won't see about them as they hide behind the self image decorated with glittery watches and $20k Birkin bags.
I don't fit into the contemporary coaching community, which is largely money and goal-driven, while bypassing taking the time to also do the inner work required to actually allow us to move forward, freely, in our lives instead of simply transferring discomfort from one area to another.
I am not here to sell you a 10-step formula to freedom. I am not here to promise you your next $10k, $20k or $100k month.
I am here to meet you where you are at, get into your life with you, get really intimate with what you long to create (note: not what you think you "should" create, but really... "what are you here for," depth-filled, soul-born creation) and to also hold a high bar for grace and magic.
I have learned over the years and many tears later that it is not about fitting in. It is about being me. Uniquely me. Humbly me. With God at my side.
If you desire a coach that will help you bulldoze into your next goal and ignore your heavy heart, keep searching. Their ads are all over Facebook.
If you desire someone who is really a spiritual ally in disguise as a professional coach, that will not only help you look at what you seek to create in your world, but also help you unbind yourself from internal obstacles that keep you stuck, so that your life naturally reflects to you greater success because you are now free -- that's where I light up. That is precisely where I fit in. I love to help you become the YOU that is deep in there, beyond the surface mind and dangling carrots.
Find where you fit in. Find where your soul guide is. Find whomever can remind you how to stay true. Find out who will celebrate where the real "win" is, in your ability to rest in peace -- while still alive.
Here's the deal, sweethearts. Celebrate what makes you different. Parade your quirks. Dare to be you. Surround yourself with people that cherish the oddball genius that you are.
After all, being you is a most courageous act.