I spent my early dating life exploring - figuring out what I want and don't want, what I like and could do without. What came from this time was a really clear picture of the kind of relationship I wanted, the kind of person I would like to be close to and the kind of person I would like to become.
After this first stage, I spent 2 and a half years away from dating doing lots of self-exploration, healing and building. Coming back to the dating world I realized that while I knew what I wanted, I found it challenging to discern whether or not a person was those things.
Below is a list of ways to tell if a person is relationship material when being nice, fun and cute is no longer cutting it.
1) How do they spend their time when they are away from you?
Are they an intentional investor or an unintentional time waster? If you ask a person what they were up to yesterday and their response is, they started watching a new series, hung out with their friends and surfed the web, this person is a time waster and a person who is willing to waste their time will also be willing to waste your time. There is nothing wrong with going with the flow once in a while but if that is how the person chooses to live their life, they are not doing what it takes to build their ultimate life and they certainly will not do the work necessary to build an ultimate relationship.
2) Who are their closest friends?
If their closest friends have drug and alcohol problems, are out of shape, broke or disrespectful, recognize that this is who they choose to spend their time with. As we mature emotionally, so do our friendships. Many people like to think that they are different from their friends - that they are the 'nice' one or the 'smart' one. The truth is that unless a person is willing to spend time with people better than them - smarter, stronger, faster, wealthier, kinder, healthier etc. - they are not becoming the best version of themselves anytime soon.
3) Do their words align with their actions?
How often do they say they will do something and then change their mind? People often think that as long as they don't tell major lies then they are a great person but people who think this way are just comparing themselves to destructive people. It is often said that what we speak, we become. If a person speaks carelessly, changing things last minute, being inconsistent, unreliable and has a hard time sticking to what they said they will do, this person simply cannot be trusted.
4) How relevant is their spiritual practice?
Lots of people call themselves spiritual these days - they meditate, spend time in nature and love Oprah. But if you notice they have trouble being alone - they always have music on or have friends over - or regularly get upset in traffic, their spiritual practice is not really relevant. People who are not devoted to their spiritual practice throughout the day, will look to others for what is 'normal' behaviour instead of their higher selves, causing them to act in an average way instead of an amazing way. People who are in regular communication with their higher selves will often have the intention of being present, being soothing, being of service or being productive.
5) Are they self-motivated?
Remember in an intimate relationship, that you will be spending lots of time with your partner. If your partner takes initiative to focus their mind, strengthen and soothe their body, do something they love, and create a beautiful home and lifestyle, then they will not only be a good influence on you but they will also take initiative in the relationship. If a person is continually waiting for your 'reactions' in every situation then the interaction will likely turn into a power struggle instead of 2 people building something great.
6) How do they treat their body?
If a person does not honour and respect their own body they will not have the capacity to honour and respect yours. If a person does not exercise, often reaches for junk food, drugs and alcohol or they care more about how they look than how they feel, then this person does not care about the quality of their life experience and will not care about the quality of yours.
7) How do they deal with challenges?
If a person encounters everyday stressful situations and they crumble, this person will not be a great partner. If they act out, avoid conflict, blame others, turn to negative habits, scramble for instant gratification, feel sorry for themselves, become self-absorbed, constantly complain or completely shut down, this person cannot handle life in a calm and productive way. We all have insecurities and anxiety but how we choose to deal with these feelings is reflective of our character. Building the skills necessary to take care of our mind, body, home, relationships, finances, and community is our daily homework. If a person is neglecting their homework, they will have a hard time passing the tests.
8) Do they have mentors?
While some look to their parents for guidance it was once said that it takes a village to raise a child. We won't always find the answers to the school of life questions simply by looking around, there is too much variety. Having mentors can change the course of a persons life. If they have someone they can speak to who has a loving relationship, or a healthy body, or has created financial freedom or has a beautiful lifestyle, then their belief in themselves and their ultimate life will become dominant. If a person does not have mentors and is reluctant to do so, they may be unwilling to learn and grow. A person without mentors will more often be willing to give up and people who give up easily do not make good partners.
"Its Cool To BE Happy"