So I've been hiding away. Packing my house, getting ready to move, and listening to Wilson Phillips. I went to one vigil and that was enough. I can't do the vigil circuit right now. I can't hear people praying to god, any god, right now. I don't want to turn to, or invoke, any religion right now. I know that religion brings comfort for many people and I support that for you, but right now, for me…"pox on all your houses". Organized religion is, in many ways, why we are in this fucking mess in the first place.
Working in higher education, I just spent a year listening to folks debating and discussing the feeling of safety on college campuses. So many of us who work in student services have been clearly saying, “The system is broken. Our campuses are not safe! Young people with marginalized identities in the US do not feel safe right now." We now have yet another reminder of how our young people of color, and queer people of color, are not safe in the US. They are not safe to walk down the street, dance at a club, or worship in a place of faith.
We are not safe! It is not just guns. It's the language people think is ok to use. It's the hatred of us having sex and being sexual beings. It is toxic masculinity going unchecked, and being supported by our society. Religious views about masculinity and sex are partly to blame.
So many religious folks and politicians are speaking at rallies and vigils this week. I know most of you care deeply. However, where are you when kids are being kicked out of their homes for being non-binary? How do you support undocumented people? How do talk about Puerto Rican rights? How do you talk about Christianity's role in the massacres of indigenous peoples? How do you support black youth being harassed and killed by cops? How do you support the young people in your congregation who get pregnant? What do you preach?
Not mentioning the joys of sex and your support for queer people (not just celibate queer people) is just as bad as preaching hate. Does your place of worship have clearly marked accessible all gender restrooms? Are LGBTQ folks coming to worship with you? If not, it doesn’t matter how many rainbow flags you fly, you need to examine the systemic issues in your congregation and figure out why LGBTQ folks are not there. And, figuring that out does not mean asking us to educate you.
So many of our youth are exhausted from standing up against hatred of them as sexual beings that they have become conservative in their public display of sex. These days there is barely any public fucking or making out. I started re-watching the TV show Queer as Folk this week and I was struck by the fact that today so many of our LGBTQ characters in the media are sexless. Queer as Folk opens up in Season 1 Episode 1 with sex, and tons of it. What happened to queer sex?
Why are our young people so publicly shy about sex? Because they are told that it is wrong, not natural. We have all been taught to be scared of sex, especially queer sex. You might get a disease, we are told. You might get beat up we are told. You might be yelled at we are told. Some of these messages are explicitly stated, others we can gather from the news, Facebook, and TV. We are not teaching about PREP. We are not teaching about self-care in sexual relationships. We are not teaching about self-pleasure. We are not teaching that you need to ask before touching someone's body. We are not speaking up in the bar, or on the bus, or at the barbershop when men are spoken about as being too feminine, or when sexist remarks are being made. Sex is beautiful, femininity is wonderful, celebrate!
Please, go prove me wrong. Straight people, my fellow white people, go change our country and the world, make it a better place for our youth. Show me that you support the kids who are struggling in school. Show me that you support undocumented people and refugees. Show me that you support black youth being harassed and killed by the police. Fuck, show them, show our youth! I'll stand with you.
In the meantime, forgive me if I won't come to your fucking vigil.