The Blog

Forgiving Your Imperfect Parents... Even If You're 64

You can release the pain. You can free yourself from the stored trauma. You can find forgiveness. But first, you must take responsibility for your own happiness by turning your awareness within and giving your attention to everything you've been avoiding feeling.
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.

Are you trapped in emotional quicksand because of the resentment you hold over the way your parents raised you?

You're not alone. So many people struggle to move past the anger, pain and the unfairness of how they were raised. In fact, they work hard to keep these feelings alive by continually blaming their parents for the circumstances of their lives today.

But your unresolved feelings and repressed emotions are hurting only one person... and it's neither of your folks!

This is your opportunity to let go and move forward. I'm not condoning what unfolded between you and your parents, but it's time to step out of the emotional prison you've locked yourself in.

You deserve to be free of the emotional pain.

Don't Place Your Well-Being in Someone Else's Hands

Maybe you're unwilling to forgive your parents because you're still waiting for them to change, to admit their wrongdoing and to be deserving of your forgiveness.

You can't change the past. And waiting for someone else to change and show up in a manner that reflects your wants and desires is an exercise in futility.

Your suffering is NOT due to the events of your childhood or adolescence... it's your deep desire for these circumstances to be different than what they were that keeps you feeling tortured. Your inability to let go of the past keeps it alive within your being and solidifies a heaviness within you that keeps you from moving on.

The power to transcend these emotions resides solely with you. You have the authority to redefine your relationship to the past and accept your newfound freedom.

Forgiveness is a profoundly transformational act of self-love.

Forgiveness is an inside job. It has nothing to do with anyone else.

You can release the pain. You can free yourself from the stored trauma. You can find forgiveness. But first, you must take responsibility for your own happiness by turning your awareness within and giving your attention to everything you've been avoiding feeling.

You break free from the victimhood by understanding your parents did the best they could and then by loving yourself in the ways they couldn't.

Is it Ever Too Late to Forgive Your Parents?

It's never too late to forgive anyone, but parents may be the most difficult relationship for which to cultivate forgiveness.

The truth of your authentic Self is that on a soul level you chose the parenting experience you had. It shaped you, it informed you, it gave you self-knowledge that was incredibly difficult at the time but that was essential for your personal evolution.

You never met your parents as their authentic selves, nor did they meet you as your authentic self. You met each other as your conditioning. In your authentic self, peace already exists, it's the conditioned self that tries to construct barriers to that peace within you.

For the First Time Ever, You Have the Opportunity to Break the Cycle

Today, conscious parenting is mainstream because enough people transcended their childhood experiences. The parenting paradigm as we know it is being transformed.

Were it not for certain influential thought leaders having difficult childhoods, we likely wouldn't have access to the abundance of information on conscious parenting as we do today. From pain, enlightenment has emerged.

Can we hold our parents hostage for the awareness they didn't have?

Can we hold them hostage for how they were parented?

Can we hold them hostage for their own self-hate which they didn't understand how to process?

We cannot. All we can do is break the cycle of unconsciousness, a natural function of human evolution.

We can ensure the next generation won't be burdened by the same difficulties and move forward with greater consciousness and understanding.

Finding Forgiveness in the Strangest of Places

In working with hundreds of thousands of people all over the world, I've found this exercise in forgiveness to be profoundly transformational on a vibrational level.

The mind can't tell the difference between what it imagines and what is real. A shift in your heart manifests as a shift in the real life. Integrating the heaviness or density around this primary relationship transforms your vibration and how you interact with the world around you.


A Vibrational Practice in Forgiveness

Close your eyes and enter into a still place within. Focus on flooding your body with peace. Breathe deeply and start to visualize your mother or father, whoever you had a difficult relationship with.

Visualize them as you remember them, and see yourself giving them a heartfelt hug.

As you give your mother or father a hug, feelings will start to come up to the surface. Allow yourself to feel the unresolved density, witness without judgement the imprints within you that need your attention.

Cultivate love and acceptance for whatever is coming up for you. Whenever you accept something energy can flow and density can dissipate.

Relaxing into the emotions that come up will shift your vibrational state which in turn shifts your psychology and physiology.

When you embrace your parent, challenges and all, you can integrate that experience into your psyche and more importantly, your energy.

Experience vibrational expansion and move into alignment with your authentic self. Click here to access a free meditation and introductory video from Panache Desai that will help you to let go and live fully.