1. Life is like a box a Presidents. You never know what you’re going to get.
2. My mama says that stupid is as stupid does and I does stupid real good. So does everyone who voted for me. The section in New York City called Dumb-o was named after me.
3. My mama always said, dyin' is a part of life and I think that is true. Virtually all of my businesses and hotels have died. So, did all those soldiers in Niger. But this is no Benghazi because the GOP don’t do Benghazi when they are in charge. I like that they are all pretend politicians. Just like me. Long live the Donor Party!
4. I decided to go for a little run. So, I ran for Emperor. And when I got there, I thought maybe I'd run for King. And when I got there, I thought maybe I'd just run for President of the world. I figured, since I ran this far, maybe I'd just run across the great state of Alabama and endorse the great Roy Moore, who’s so much like me. I ran clear across Alabama. For no particular reason,I just keep on goin'. And golfin’. I have spent over $94,000,000 of YOUR money on golf vacations, like right now and while millions of people suffer from the harsh winter, which I never ever, mention, ever, I’m stupid enough to do photo ops in shirt sleeves and cap, touting my course, while seniors die of exposure, unlike me. I live for it. Especially during beauty pageants.
5. Mama said I was incapable of empathy because empathy is as empathy does.
7. Little Forrest, he’s called Baron, he;s doin' just fine. About to start school again soon. I make his breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day. From McDonalds.I make sure he combs his hair and brushes his tooth every day. Teachin' him how to play golf. He's really good. And every night, we read a book. The Art of the Deal. Which I done wrote. He's so smart, Jenny. You'd be so proud of him. I am. He, uh, wrote a letter, and he says I can't read it. I'm not supposed to, but the truth is I can’t. The only words I know are “great,” “sad,” “disaster,” “failing” and “fake” because those are the words that every single teacher at Wharton said about me. Except “great.” I invented that word actually.
8. I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floatin' around accidental-like on a breeze, but I, I think maybe it's both. Maybe both is happenin' at the same time. I miss you, Vladimir. If there's anything you need. I won't be far away.
9. We was like pees and carats, Melania and I. I like to call her Bubba. My mama always said, once an escort, always an escort. But I really like escortgo which ironically is the name of the catalogue service that I used to find her.
10. Dear God, make me a bird. So, I could fly far. Far, far away from here. Especially when that bad man, Mr. Mueller shows America the truth of me. I have pathologically lied, cheated, colluded and pretended that the tax bill was about the middle class when it was all about me. Two generals have to watch me 24 hours a day just in case I do something impulsive and stupid. But I will continue to do great things. I will bring back toxic chemicals to the environment. I will destroy the public-school system. I will destroy the internet. I will destroy Amazon because Jeff Bezos is richer than me. I will destroy Obama because he once made fun of me at a Washington D.C. dinner while I had to sit there and take it. I will keep destroying Hillary because decades ago, when the Clintons, like everyone else in New York, could not stand my hanging around them ALL THE TIME for one more minute they dumped me. And I will make millions off of the rebuilding of the infrastructures by using companies that I have a personal stake in. And while one famous man’s career after another is destroyed, like Al Franken, despite the 19 accusations leveled against me, I get away with it unchallenged. Because as mama always said, rich, powerful men, even if they’re idiots, get to do whatever they want.
So in the end, I guess you have to ask yourself:
Who’s the stupid one? You or me?
Love (conditionally)
Forrest Trump