Your Facebook newsfeed is likely made up of two kinds of people: Those you actually talk to in real life and, well, those you don't.
Through the years, you've probably accumulated a laundry list of "friends" from different stages of your life. Some "friends" you keep around because you want to see what they're up to, others you want to keep in regular contact with and the rest you're just too lazy to "unfriend." (Why do they make that so hard to do?)
After some extensive trolling of my own newsfeed (and talking with others about their social media use), I've come up with four personas that likely make up your Facebook "friend" list.
Hank "The Human Highlight Reel":
Hank lives the life (or so you think). He frequently posts photos to his Facebook page with captions like, "I'm on a boat." Every Saturday, he's doing something crazy with his bros sporting a V-neck -- and Instagramming the crap out of it. He can usually be seen on your Facebook newsfeed bragging about his posh corporate job in [insert big city here].
But, in real life, Hank can barely afford rent for his studio apartment and can't even score a Tinder date. Hank personifies the first type of Facebook friend you most definitely have -- the one who tries to make their life look way better than it really is.
Dave "The Airer of Dirty Laundry":
You were buds with Dave back in high school, but something went way wrong over the years and you just can't put your finger on what that "something" is. Dave is now comic relief on your most insignificant days. You kind of feel bad that it's come to this, but, then again... no, you don't.
That's because Dave posts very personal things, like details about his custody battle or how he can't find a decent job. It's not like you don't feel for the guy, but you just want to shake him through your computer screen for airing his dirty laundry (again) to the Facebook world. That being said, you can't stop watching.
Taylor "Two Face":
Without Facebook, you wouldn't know a single thing about Taylor. Trying to talk to her in public is like pulling teeth. Whether Taylor is a coworker, girlfriend of a friend or that awkward relative, she's the person you avoid in all social situations. I repeat -- all of them.
The thing is, you know all about Taylor -- her review of The Hunger Games, what music she can't stop listening to and her upcoming travel plans (she can be seen posting "32 days until [insert tropical location here]!"). Taylor is outgoing via social media but introverted in everyday life.
Sarah "The Silent Stalker":
You don't "see" Sarah. You don't "hear" Sarah. Frankly, you think that she hasn't logged into Facebook in months. Her profile picture is a shell of her former self. But, the funny thing is that Sarah is actually tuned in to your posts more than all of the others. Sarah knows what bar you were at last Saturday, which high school friends you still hang with and all about your trip a few months ago.
You won't find Sarah in your newsfeed, but she's watching. Sarah is what we call a "silent stalker." She has her Facebook solely to keep an eye on everyone else -- not to share anything about herself.
Then, there's you. You're the type of "friend" we all look forward to seeing in our newsfeed. You'd be in my "Top 8" if that were still a thing.