Each day, we parents carry the responsibility of guiding our children along the best possible path, giving them every opportunity and imparting as much wisdom as possible so they have a solid sense of self and are able to make good decisions. The crazy thing about being a parent is that you think your job is the guide, the caretaker, the planner, the fixer, and even the entertainer, but along the way you revisit and relearn lessons that make you stronger and wiser.
I think through each detail of my daughter's life, to the point of obsessing, as I know many parents do. She will encounter so many situations that will be out of my control, but at age five, many of her experiences are still under my careful watch. However, in the mist of the whirlwind of parenting, I've found that while I help guide her, she also guides me in reflecting lessons and values that are key to who I am.
I recently read this guidance in her eyes -- lit up with excitement and filled with genuine enthusiasm for the joy of the moment -- when we had planned a fun day together. Her reaction reminded me we should approach each day as an adventure in which the outcome isn't always certain. My daughter makes me a better person simply by being herself. I am a better person because she...
Lives in the moment
Kids are a natural study in mindfulness. They note small things along their daily journey and are never in a rush. Anyone who has tried to leave the house to make a timely appointment with a 5-year-old knows it is never a straight forward or easy task. Using phrases such as "we're late" or "we need to hurry" only guarantees an instant slowdown. For a while, I thought she was being intentionally difficult because she could sense I was moving from stressed to full-on panic. But now I see that, to her, nothing earth-shattering will happen if it takes an extra 30 seconds to notice the rain has let up or to give an extra-long hug. And, without exception, the day starts infinitely better with an extra 30 seconds of embrace, rather than a quick peck.
In her unhurried state, she also notices little things that make her smile: a lady bug on the windowsill; a kite flying overhead; or a cloud that looks like a puppy. When I slow down and assume a more natural, unrushed pace I see the same: the glinting highlights in her hair and the clouds reflecting in her cool blue eyes. I try to remember that nothing earth-shattering will happen if I take a few seconds to slow down during the day, and without exception, the day is infinitely better when I do.
Doesn't take life too seriously
When she's carrying a plastic plate filled with toy food and it spills, she pauses and bursts into hysterical laughter. If she trips over something and takes a small tumble, she cracks up. Little mishaps are not stressors to her, they are comedic fodder. Likewise, when something falls over or spills, it used to register to me as additional stress, yet another thing to clean up or fix to restore order. Now when something goes haywire, her instinctual laughter reminds me to see the comedy in the moment, turning potential stress to comedic relief.
Holds me to my word
Kids have a wonderful knack of being completely literal and forgetting nothing. If they ask to go to the park and you respond "maybe" -- even though it was meant as a "probably not" -- you can be sure they will revisit the request in short order, believing the possibility still exists. Many times I have heard the logical argument of "but you said 'maybe' which means we might 'go!'"
Raising a child has required me to be much more thoughtful of what I say and what I commit to because she doesn't miss one beat. If I don't follow through on a commitment, she vocalizes her disappointment that others may feel but not say, reminding me how important it is to be fair about what I commit to but then stay true to my word and follow through.
Reminds me of the Golden Rule
Perhaps the hardest lesson my daughter encounters on a daily basis is learning to treat other kids the way she would want them to treat her. She is heartbroken when she feels left out, yet I've seen her leave others out when she is involved with a group activity. We talk almost daily about the importance of including the kids who are left out, the way she wants to be included when she is the one on the outside.
As a child I took the Golden Rule for granted, something to be recited without much thought. As a parent, revisiting the Golden Rule in daily interactions reminds me to acknowledge each person I encounter the way we want to be acknowledged. In difficult situations, I am reminded to act with an understanding and respect I would like others to show me under similar circumstances.
There are a million and one ways our children influence and shape who we are. These four have had a significant shift on my daily perspective and help ground my thoughts and decisions. For this, I consider my daughter to be one of my greatest guides.