The question of how soon to call a potential love interest is an oldie, but a goodie. The answer is debatable and I'm sure different for everyone, though I can't help but recall Vince Vaughn's Trent, in Swingers:
Mike: So how long do I wait to call?
Trent: A day.
Mike: Tomorrow.
Sue: Tomorrow, then a day.
Trent: Yeah.
Mike: So two days?
Trent: Yeah, I guess you could call it that, two days.
Sue: Definitely, two days is like industry standard.
Trent: You know I used to wait two days to call anybody, but now it's like everyone in town waits two days. So I think three days is kind of money.
A modernized version of this problem has emerged in my new-friend-finding life: How soon is too soon to Facebook someone?
It sounds silly maybe, but it's the most modern of social conundrums: I'm ready to make someone my social network pal, but we only met this morning. Is it too early? Will l seem over-eager?
Take this weekend. I met a girl who is brand new to Chicago, and we totally hit it off. We shared loves of "Friday Night Lights," "How I Met Your Mother" and "Never Say Never." (Yes, that is the Bieber documentary. Stop judging me and watch it.) We grew up some 20 minutes from each other in New York and discovered some this-world-is-crazily-small connections. When I got home, I started telling my husband about the meeting and suddenly exclaimed, "Oh! I'm going to Facebook her now." But before I got to my computer, I changed my mind. Would that seem weird? Or desperate? Like I ran home from our meeting with nothing else on my mind and zero to do but ask her to be my virtual friend?
I held back, deciding I would "get around to it" (Translation: Pry my hands away from the "Add Friend" button) a few days later. Imagine my pleasant surprise when, that night, I checked my phone and found an email waiting: "New Friend wants to be friends on Facebook." Phew.
Perhaps I should be embarrassed to admit the small thrill I got from this auto-notification. She friended me first. Now I didn't have to worry about the appropriate waiting period, and I'll admit I was more than a little pleased that she even remembered my name (or perhaps asked our mutual friend for it. Either way, there was thought involved.)
I know I'm not alone in over-analyzing the protocol of the Facebook friend request. I generally follow a two-pronged plan. Option one: Request a new friend while I'm with her, as a kind of laughably honest recognition of how silly the whole thing is, but also to say-without-saying, "I like you. We shall be friends." When I was at a bachelorette party this summer, I was chatting with a girl with whom I totally clicked. That night I declared my intention: "I am totally Facebooking you. You will have a request by morning." And she did.
Or you can wait a day or two, so as not to seem that all you do is spend time on Facebook. Oh, the games we play.
Still, I was psyched when I got my request this week, not scared off by any too-soon nature of it all. So maybe I should shove my two-pronged plan down the toilet. Perhaps that's option three.
What's your Facebook tendency? Add a new friend as soon as you meet? Always wait for someone to friend you? Is there a required waiting period, or is there no such thing as too-soon? Or do you only friend someone when you want to stalk their pictures (another valuable reason, in my humble opinion)?
You can follow Rachel's awkward and hilarious escapades in her search for a new best friend on her blog, MWF Seeking BFF. Her memoir about her search will be available on December 20, 2011.