To start with, the headline might be misleading because in my opinion, if a friendship or relationship is genuine and based on mutual trust and love, it does not have a “due date”. I have met a number of people who have friends or met their partner during a job or study abroad and they could work it out.What I mean with the title is more the fact that in some occasions, sadly, the time spent together at one place has a due date. Sometimes you are in the country or city just for an internship, a semester or just traveling through and then you bump into people that touches you and connects to you in a way, that would love to keep in around forever. However, you can't because after a time together, you have to return home and it becomes a long-distance friendship/partner. So that is the due date I was talking about in the headline.
I thought about this the other day because one thing is to feel split about living abroad and missing your friends and family back home. Another thing is to make great friends while you are afar and then leave them again. I realized that in a couple of months, I have to leave the weekends, movie nights and UBEReats dinners, wine nights and karaoke parties with my newly won friends here behind to go back to Denmark to my hygge nights. And only a couple month after, next summer, I will have to decide what to do after graduation. Do I stay in Copenhagen or move to France or start an internship in China or start working somewhere else?
It doesn’t matter what I will decide, it seems like it will be one more time, where I leave behind my friends and our quality time to start over and meet people again, just to leave them. I don’t even know how to describe this circle. Friendship hook-up? A quick fun and go?Wherever I lived or studied, I left good friends behind when I changed my plans. So no matter if in Copenhagen, Lyon or around Germany, I miss my friends. I want to have them as a part of my happy days, and I long to have them around on bad and heartbreaking days. Instead all I can do is calling or skyping them, and that is already a great gift, considering the fact that my parents haven’t had this opportunity when they left Vietnam 30 years ago.
As I said before if a friendship is really genuine, it does not matter where in the world you are or how long you haven’t seen each other, the friendship continues. But nonetheless, it would be incredibly nice to show them your new place or a good restaurant you discovered in the new town and on the other hand, you would love to see what they are up to as well. They might come to visit for a week or two but the time spent together at the same place was already due.
I don’t know about relationships "with a due date" because personally, I haven't made that experience. But I have a friend I met during my internship last summer in Lyon who bumped into her boyfriend during her semester abroad years ago in France. Their time together seemed to be limited to that semester but eventually, they moved to Poland and then back to France together and now they live together in Strasbourg. One thing I respected a lot were the sacrifices they made to stay together but even more, I admired to see that they didn’t back out from all the obstacles in the way. For them it was difficult but not impossible and afterall, they both persued their education and their jobs and still managed to stay and live together.
I can think of a number of other stories in my friend circle or acquaintances that changed jobs or/and moved away to be at the same place with someone they met abroad. I imagine it is because after all, if you found a person who is worth it and who can’t be replaced, moving and starting over in a new place is a small price considering all the joy and happiness you will have in the future life together.
I think all whats left to do is to enjoy the time you have together as much as possible and not regretting it by holding back. Either way, goodbyes always hurt and are heartbreaking but then again, life is so much more beautiful when you live it to the fullest and we all know that one couple or best friends, that worked things out, stayed together or moved to the same place, even though there was a due date.
So I think walking away from something just because it has an expiration date or it will get tough one day is not the right way to look at it. For me, I feel like its a great gift to meet people who changes and touches you, and I will enjoy my time and enjoy it to the fullest until the due date comes. And that’s my closing thought.
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This article is altered and was first published on Metropolife - Friendships and relationships with a due date.