I was told last week I was going to be a blogger for The Huffington Post and naturally I was ecstatic. It is one of the world's most read news sources and for many it is one of the coveted trophies of writing, the creme de la creme of blogging achievements.
However, this isn't the only reason I suddenly felt a twang of success. Yes it was flattering to know that my work was appreciated, at least by someone other than my parents. Yes it felt great to know that it has the potential to be viewed by millions of people. But this is trumped by the fact that while I don't really remember the date, it was roughly a year ago that I had given up on life, unable to think about anything else other than suicide.
My mental health issues had left me crippled and I'd fallen so far down I couldn't see any way back up. I was convinced that my life was over and all my dreams of success gone. Now I find myself travelling the world, seeing things I didn't even know existed, and being acknowledged for my work on one of the best platforms possible. To go from the former to the latter has brought with it a satisfying feeling of success.
The stories that inspire me the most are from people who have been through difficult circumstances and go on to achieve success. People like Walt Disney who was fired from his writing job after being told he wasn't creative enough, Oprah Winfrey who was told she'd never be any good on television or Winston Churchill who wasn't regarded as a fit leader pre-WW2. All of these people overcame hardships, or doubts, or struggles in some way and changed the course of history.
Now I don't claim to be changing the course of history but for me I've changed the course of my own personal history. We are constantly writing the new pages and chapters of our book of life everyday with every decision we make and a year ago I had a choice; to write 'The End' and close that book, or to carry on and make that book worth reading, even if it was only for myself. Obviously I chose the latter and it was the best decision I've ever made. I overcame my own personal hardships, doubts and struggles to achieve things that I wanted to achieve. For some, being published on a worthwhile blog is something they have neither the passion nor interest in, but for me it marks another milestone in my long but fulfilling journey of recovery.
The point I'm trying to make is that it's never too late to pick yourself back up and strive to achieve those goals that you've always desired, whatever they may be. So maybe you don't have any interest in getting published on The Huffington Post, but maybe you've always wanted to write a book, record a song or even fly to the moon (aim big).
Trauma, struggle and doubt stripped away my drive, my passion and all the things that made me tick. Suddenly my goals seemed unattainable and my passions pointless. All those wondrous plans I'd set out for my life seemed to evaporate before my eyes a year ago. I planned to do great things, as all humans do, but it seemed my chance at making a difference was over.
But that period has taught me that giving up and giving in isn't an inevitably, it's a choice, always. People go through the most terrible things only to go on and achieve the most phenomenal feats. Often, it is the fact that they have been through these struggles, known the dark times and sometimes stared death in the face that has given them the drive to achieve the things that they really wanted to.
Being successful and having suicidal thoughts are not two contradictory statements. Indeed the latter can end up creating the former. Successful people go through tough times. In fact, tough times make successful people. What do Winston Churchill, Steve Jobs, Abraham Lincoln, J.K. Rowling, Bill Gates, Buzz Aldrin and Gwyneth Paltrow all have in common? They all suffer or suffered from a mental health issue and have achieved brilliant, different and sometimes unbelievable things.
The biggest thing my struggle has taught me is that anything really is possible, especially recovery. I'm still amazed I was able to come back from the brink because honestly, nothing was going right for me. I had nothing and no-one to fall back on, not really. But now that I'm recovered, I see that the last two years were just a small blip in my life and that struggle is only temporary.
To go from suicide to success, or at least what I see as a personal success for me, still makes me feel like I'm living a bit of a dream. All those cliche sayings of 'the grass is greener on the other side', 'there's light at the end of the tunnel' and 'time heals all things' do ring true. Cliches are frowned upon and discarded, but they are cliches because they are used often, and they are used often because they are often true.
- Resources - Useful international resources for suicide prevention, post-attempt survivors and their families
- Samaritans - Operates 24/7 and is a UK helpline for anyone needing someone to listen - 0845 790 9090
- Mind - The UK's largest Mental Health Charity, and a great organisation to lend support and help. They have also coupled with Rethink Mental Illness to form Time To Change, an excellent campaign to end the stigma against mental health
Get in touch at hello@georgebell.co, find me on my personal site here, follow me on Twitter and check out my blog on mental health issues. I am also currently writing a no-holding-back book on my experiences with depression and anxiety.
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If you -- or someone you know -- need help, please call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. If you are outside of the U.S., please visit the International Association for Suicide Prevention for a database of international resources.