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9 Funniest Things Ever Said About Fruitcake

Classically horrible and barely able to compete with the likes of Christmas pudding, fruitcake has long been the subject of wonder when it comes to the holidays. After all, it seems like no matter what you do to it, the fruitcake always returns.
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Hilarious thoughts on the holiday traditions we love to hate.

The Christmas holiday inspires us to reach into our hearts (and pockets) to search for the perfect gift. No matter who shows up on your list, you want to get them something that will wow them, or at the very least make them smile. And for food lovers, the options to wow and amaze are limitless. From cool kitchen gadgets to informational cookbooks, a food enthusiast is happy to receive anything related to food, be it a great bottle of wine or a fruit basket. But one food item that should probably never be on your gift-giving list? Fruitcake.

Classically horrible and barely able to compete with the likes of Christmas pudding, fruitcake has long been the subject of wonder when it comes to the holidays. After all, it seems like no matter what you do to it, the fruitcake always returns. For decades people have been joking about what makes fruitcake so funny, or nasty, and about the countless other things you can do with it besides eat it (i.e. use it as a doorstop). And a few people along the way have made some hilarious jokes about the dreaded holiday "dessert" that still crack us up!

From A. Lee Martinez's metaphor for life to the classic Johnny Carson quote, we found some of the funniest musings on fruitcake out there. For a good laugh, click through our slideshow!

A Metaphor for Life

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"Reality is like a fruitcake; pretty enough to look at but with all sorts of nasty things lurking just beneath the surface."

The Worst Gift

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"The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other."

The Returning Gift

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"My husband bought fruitcake one year. He ate some of it, but I wrapped the rest and gave it back to him for Christmas. The next year, I found it amongst my presents from him. It developed from there. This one's been around 15 to 20 years. The first one lasted about that long, too. Fruitcakes are made to withstand the test of time."

-- Rikki Rosenberg

A Few Nuts

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"Look at the world as a big fruitcake. It wouldn't be complete without a few nuts in it."

-- Old Saw

The Hour of the Fruitcake

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"For months they have lain in wait, dim shapes lurking in the forgotten corners of houses and factories all over the country and now they are upon us, sodden with alcohol, their massive bodies bulging with strange green protuberances, attacking us in our homes, at our friends' homes, at our offices -- there is no escape, it is the hour of the fruitcake."

-- Deborah Papier

Lauren Gordon, The Daily Meal