Frustration Tolerance and Us

Frustration Tolerance and Us
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In writing a blog, my goal is to find a new and unusual take on a commonplace topic about which much has already been written.

Frustration tolerance seems to be a particularly relevant because President Trump manifests so little of this quality essential for coping with life’s challenges. He doesn’t tolerate differences in opinion from his advisors and fires dissenters, them, he doesn’t take advice that he doesn’t like.

Although Trump’s ultimate impact on us, our nation, and our world can’t be determined, the situation has called for an increase in frustration tolerance from many of us concerned citizens.

As most of us know, life involves varied and frequent kinds of frustration that we can’t avoid, from delaying gratifications to negotiating with others.

According to Dr. Albert Ellis, the father of rational emotive therapy, frustration leads to distress and unhappiness, and conversely, the ability to tolerate frustration leads to relative contentment.

Individuals who suffer from low frustration tolerance, don’t tolerate unpleasant feelings or stressful situations. They have trouble accepting reality, and think the world should conform to their expectations. These expectations lead to an increased sense of frustration.

An intact nervous system is the required equipment for handling frustration, and ideally, we learn to tolerate frustration in our developmental years. Many factors affect this ability, including mood disorders like depression, bipolar disorder, as well as attention deficit disorder, addictions and diseases of the nervous system, like dementia.

Common problems arise from the belief that we must never experience and therefore avoid it, or that we must always contain it. Either extreme leads to problems.

Inability to tolerate frustration leads to all kinds of social isolation and/or addictions. In my practice, I’ve seen the dire consequences of acting out of a sense of frustration. For example, Mr. Y. expected others to live up to his own standards. When they disappointed him, he cut off all contact. Needless to say, he has ended up without any friends.

On the other hand, Ms. W., unaware of her level of frustration, which then reached an intolerable level, screamed at her boss and lost a coveted job.

What matters is awareness. When we are aware, we have choices that grant a sense of control about to handle a given situation.

A great asset is the ability to tolerate frustration and discern how to manage it: what to tolerate, what we can change about the situation and when we can do so, when to change our attitude, when to distance ourselves (many of us limit our exposure to the news, for instance) or even walk away.

We live in frustrating times. Lyrics of the popular song, “Mutual Admiration Society” today could be appropriately modified to: “We Belong to a Mutual Frustrating Society”. Trump is frustrated by the limitations and rules that apply to a democratic presidency, and in frequently pushing the envelope of his office, he frustrates many of us.

Conclusion: More than ever before, life calls for tolerance, self- awareness, and frustration tolerance.

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