And somehow, the spouses of Twitter continue to find humor in the minutiae of married life and sum it up perfectly in no more than 280 characters.
Every other Monday, we round up the funniest marriage tweets of the previous two weeks. Read on for 25 new relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement.
Wife: Stop making that horrible noise.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 13, 2021
Me: I was singing.
Wife: My statement stands.
Get married so you can passive aggressively give your spouse the janky silverware at dinner when you're mad.— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) June 1, 2021
My husband lovingly calling the roomba bro-bot is not something I was mentally prepared for— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) June 3, 2021
I told my husband I will support him no matter where he gets placed for residency. I will be his rock. That’s what a supportive spouse should be. Even if he is sent to the most frigid parts of the Midwest, I will write to him every day and miss him so much.— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) June 10, 2021
My husband is in another room and has no idea I’m about to completely lose my shit over the way he closed this bottle. Marriage is fun.— Daisy (@Daisyldoo) June 2, 2021
Get married if you want to accidentally scare someone in the hallway and then argue about who was at fault.— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) June 4, 2021
Anyone else experiencing post-vaccine spousal annoyance because they wait until the very last minute to tell you that an event is in-person and not on zoom??????— Meena Harris (@meena) June 2, 2021
If you wanted to know what being at the top of your game looks like…— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) June 12, 2021
My husband and I are about to take a nap because we have an 8:30 dinner reservation and we need to nap in order to stay up that late.
I'm pretty sure today is my wedding anniversary, but not like 100% sure.— Uncle Jeff (@PickleRudd) June 9, 2021
Thank God I married a man so no one really cares.
Fed up with your girlfriend stealing the covers? Marry her then she’ll always be there to remind you it’s your fault for not turning up the thermostat— Heatherhere 😷 (@Heatinblack) June 11, 2021
*delivery guy hands me enough food for 2 families*— jess salomon (@jess_salomon) June 8, 2021
wife: oh wow I didn't mean to order so much.
narrator: she absolutely meant to order that much.
I know it sounds mean but when I’m mad at my wife and want to lash out, I “accidentally” buy plain yogurt.— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) June 8, 2021
No where in the marriage handbook did it say there would be this many arguments over the consolidation of shower products based on brand and consistency, but here we are.— Your Favorite Gay Mom🌈 (@lezzimomof2) June 8, 2021
Waiting for my wife to go to the other room so I can get another ice cream sandwich but play it off like it’s still my first.— dADDisms (@Beagz) June 8, 2021
The pressure I feel when my wife asks me to do something "carefully"— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) June 3, 2021
Used my husband’s shaving cream and now I can’t stop falling asleep on the couch and waking up to yell that I’m just resting my eyes— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) June 6, 2021
I guess you could say the most romantic thing that has happened in our marriage was just 20 minutes ago when, frantically speeding down the highway toward the airport, my husband fed me sushi out of a paper bag while changing his underwear.— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) June 12, 2021
Husband: *scrambling an egg with a fork in my most expensive pan*— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) June 10, 2021
Me: *head explodes*
My wife still brings up that one time in 2015 I complained of tired legs while she was in labor— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) June 8, 2021
Tonight I told my husband those three little words every man longs to hear: “You were right.”— Unexpected SAHM (@UnexpectedSAHM) June 2, 2021
When my husband thinks of RV trips he’s thinking camping, adventure, outdoors, nature. And I think of those things too but also let’s stop at the garden center because we could fit a lot of plants in this thing to take back home.— yelisaSwizzy (@motherplaylist) June 5, 2021
I get mad when my wife prevents me from doing a public service, like showing dude at the store where the nose trimmers are when he clearly needed them.— Forward March (@RunOldMan) June 13, 2021
wife: can you go through the lego bin and make sure the sets have all of their pieces?— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) June 7, 2021
me: I thought you usually have the kids do that?
wife: I just ask them to do it when I need them out of my hair
me: smart! I'll get right on it.
My husband has the AC so low I’m sitting outside to get warm, how’s your day going?— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) June 6, 2021