Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
Can't find the name list for my kid's class, so just going to address these valentines to different variations of Jackson and hope for the best
— meghan (@deloisivete) February 13, 2023
trying to teach the baby to point and go “j’accuse”
— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) February 14, 2023
Whenever I ask my 2yo how he slept, he says, “in bed, eyes closed.” And you know what? He’s not wrong.
— MumOfTwo (@MumOfTw0) February 16, 2023
Say you have kids without saying you have kids:
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) February 16, 2023
My phone ringer was changed to fart noises.
Come on kids, let’s go to Home Depot and give mom a break
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) February 13, 2023
~Me every Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day
Why are my kids yelling at each other, part 38,295: They both wanted to sleep with a particular chair. Not *in* a chair. Sleep *with* the chair in bed. A regular sized, wooden chair.
— real live mom, PhD (she/her) (@reallivemom) February 14, 2023
me: u need to take 5 more bites
— Dad Set Against (@DadSetAgainst) February 15, 2023
4: no 10 bites!
me: ok 10
*takes 12 bites, then finishes bowl* we can work on the math later
My kid asked me what gaslighting is but I didn’t know how to explain it so I just said it’s not a real thing
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) February 11, 2023
8's nightly routine is to go to bed and come out 19 different times to ask us questions like, "what kind of car did grandpa drive?" And "what are we eating for lunch tomorrow?" And other things that drive me batshit crazy.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) February 12, 2023
Kindergarten be like, “Let’s all sit in a circle and cough on one another.”
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 14, 2023
My kid got a Valentine from her best friend and I am DYING pic.twitter.com/1vyCUkt2NZ
— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) February 15, 2023
Kids will be like, "How was I suppose to know it would spill?"
— Jacana Mommy (@jacanamommy) February 14, 2023
- my son chasing his sisters around our living room with an open container of fake blood.
Breakdown is my favorite Tom Petty song about dads and cardboard boxes.
— A Dad Influence (@gbergan) February 16, 2023
Everyone has one child who will karate chop anyone who tries to hug them and one child who knows no personal bounds whatsoever.
— themomessence (@themomessence) February 13, 2023
I love it when people ask me what my toddler will eat, as if I could possibly know the answer to that
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) February 16, 2023
So glad I helped 3 kids make 75 valentines for everyone’s trash cans.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) February 14, 2023
Welcome to parenthood. You clean up your house so you can make space for a brand spanking new mess.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) February 15, 2023
my youngest lamented not being an only child and i convinced her if she was she would be begging for a younger sibling so now she’s doing just that
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) February 11, 2023
major parenting misfire
My 5yo would like to wish you all a Happy Balance Time Day
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) February 14, 2023
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