Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
4yo, crying hot tears of frustration into her waffle: "I. DON'T. WANT. MORNING. AGAIN. Turn it off!"
— Shannon (@ShannonJCurtin) February 7, 2023
My 3-year-old said she wished we had a pet. I reminded her we have a dog and wow the genuine surprise on her face as it dawned on her that our dog is a pet and not just some other guy who lives here.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) February 7, 2023
My 7yo made breakfast* for himself and his younger brother, I'm so proud
— meghan (@deloisivete) February 5, 2023
*opened popsicles
Sorry there are 26 kids in your daughter’s class and Valentines come in boxes of 24.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 7, 2023
I have a rule in my home that my children are allowed to say one cuss word a day but they have to do it in a shrek voice and use it in context of something shrek would yell. So daily I hear my 4 year old yell “get out me fuckin swamp”
— Teddy (@That1teddygirl) February 6, 2023
I’m on a business trip and I get this text from my husband, “I think the kids have hidden a hotdog in the house, but I can’t find it”
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) February 9, 2023
My daughter went to a sleepover and told the parents she was a vegetarian and the dad told her they have to kill more animals to make tofu than they do for beef. She asked him how tofu was made and he didn’t know.
— David Hill (@davehill77) February 7, 2023
parents will literally be like “hey do you want hang out at 8:30 in the morning”
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) February 9, 2023
Parenting is cool because:
— Aubrey Hirsch (@aubreyhirsch) February 8, 2023
-it’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done
-the stakes are the highest they’ve ever been
-no one can tell you how to do it
-you have to make a million choices every day
-there’s no way to ever know if any of them were correct
-socks just constantly vanish
My kid wants me to tell China that they should have camouflaged the balloon by painting it blue with clouds and stuff, and since she’s not wrong I’m wondering, do I write a letter or is there a phone number I can call
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) February 6, 2023
I had a really annoying day. Very frustrated.
— Trey Ferguson (@PastorTrey05) February 7, 2023
My kids knew that.
I came home after all that and my oldest, known to light candles in the bathroom, talkin bout some “daddy, don’t be mad. My toilet is smoking.”
I didn’t listen. I got mad.
This what I see when I walked in. pic.twitter.com/hWtAjufSwa
My kid got her half semester report card and it seems like extra math classes may be needed for me
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) February 9, 2023
It’s February and that means it’s time for my daughter to start planning her birthday which is in November
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) February 8, 2023
My 8yo and 6yo tell so many knock knock jokes that my 1yo now toddles around saying, "Knock knock."
— Raw Motherhood (@MetteAngerhofer) February 9, 2023
This is a cry for help.
Me: “Do you know who’s playing in the Super Bowl?”
— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) February 9, 2023
7: (Names a thousand teams before he says Eagles)
Me: “Do you know where they’re from? I’ll give you a hint… a city in Pennsylvania… starts with a P…”
7: “Punxsutawney Eagles?”
9 was telling me about his pokemon cards he got today that he said are from "the year nineteen-hundred and ninety-two" and then I threw him through the wall for talking to me like that.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) February 10, 2023
i can’t remember any of my kids school projects and what i signed up to bring for the class parties but i can recite every landline number i knew from my childhood by heart
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) February 8, 2023
Are you having a good day or did you wake up to ‘mommy, my fart made my underpants wet’ being whispered in your ear.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) February 6, 2023
Life before kids: Owns 1 pair of scissors and knows exactly where they are.
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) February 6, 2023
Life after kids: Owns 16 pairs of scissors and has a better chance of seeing God than finding them.
Grandparents are the ultimate hype people. My kid could break a window and they would be like, "Way to go, buddy! You really showed that glass!"
— An Apple Hat (@AnAppleHat) February 7, 2023
If you enjoy arguing with a 5-year-old at the dinner table when she refuses to eat the potato salad she asked for because “it has too many potatoes in it” well then hoo boy, do I have a kid for you.
— Dinah (@dinahaddie) February 9, 2023
No one:
— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) February 6, 2023
My 6 year old: If I could time travel, I would go back to the dinosaur ages and ride one like a pony
When older people say, "Enjoy them while they are young."
— mariana Z (@mariana057) February 9, 2023
They are talking about your knees and hips not your kids.
Give your kid a bowl of chips, and he’ll eat for a few minutes. Let him dump out a bag of chips in your car, and he’ll eat for a week
— meghan (@deloisivete) February 8, 2023
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