Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
6yo: What does it feel like to be invisible?— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 21, 2019
Me: (on toilet) I wish I knew.
57% of parenting is trying to figure out why the floor is sticky.— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) January 24, 2019
My son was just driving Hot Wheels up and down my back, and honestly, that’s the closest thing to a massage I’ve had since becoming a parent.— Accidental Super Mom (@AcciSuperMom) January 24, 2019
No one makes more observations than a child sharing a stall with his mother inside a public restroom.— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) January 22, 2019
Marie Kondo: Does this bring you joy?— Life at Tiffany’s (@lifeattiffanys) January 18, 2019
Kid: *grabbing piece of literal garbage* I’M SAVING IT FOR A CRAFT
Welcome to parenting: You now get the bruised banana for the next 18 years— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 25, 2019
If you’re undecided about having kids, listen to someone cough for 8 years straight and see how you like it.— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) January 23, 2019
While leaving the water park today my kids asked if we’re going to do anything fun for the holiday weekend.— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) January 20, 2019
6-year-old: I woke up.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 24, 2019
Me: Um, good job?
6: Thanks. I'm done for today.
I recently saw some expectant parents shoot a confetti cannon in their living room to announce the sex of their baby, which is in fact a rather accurate way to prepare for parenthood.— The Mom at Law (@TheMomAtLaw) January 22, 2019
Dads love saying “that’s how they get you” after declining additional warranty protection— The Dad (@thedad) January 23, 2019
Me: *dies*— Carbosly (@Carbosly) January 21, 2019
My kids: *taking out Ouija board*
I asked my 3 year old what we should eat for dinner this week and he replied with “cereal,” so long story short, he’s writing our meal plans now.— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) January 25, 2019
I'd be more excited about being right if it hadn't cost me $50 to prove my kid didn't *really* want that Hatchimals toy— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) January 23, 2019
Me: "Who got pee on the floor?"— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) January 24, 2019
5y.o: "Wait- did you say the floor or the wall?"
5: "Oh- not me, then."
My kid thinks that when I say “maybe” I really mean “yes” and it’s totally adorable since when I say “maybe” I actually mean “not a chance in Hell!”— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) January 25, 2019
6yo “If you have 5 fishes and 1 fish swims away how many fishes are left?”— Cydni Beer (@cydbeer) January 24, 2019
6yo “You’re not going to survive one day of school.”
You know pajama day at school was invented by some PTA mom who was running late one day and just said “fuck it.”— SpacedMom (@copymama) January 25, 2019