Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So, each week, we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Me: I’m so lucky to be your mom.— Life at Tiffany’s (@lifeattiffanys) February 25, 2019
6: I’m so lucky to have so many legos.
Had no idea I would get into so much trouble as an adult until my 3-year-old started saying “but daddy does it” every time she gets in trouble.— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) February 23, 2019
I feel like I’d be a much better parent if I didn’t have to do it every day.— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) February 25, 2019
If you ever wanted to know what it’s like to be continually lambasted by the critics, have kids.— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) February 27, 2019
When I was younger, I wanted to be famous just so others would shout my name when they saw me.— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) February 27, 2019
[Kids start screaming for me because they are fighting over one pair of pajamas]
Didn't think this one through.
My toddler looked out the window today and yelled “There’s a kangaroo in the back yard”— TwinzerDad (@TwinzerDad) February 24, 2019
Now experience has taught me that he actually means squirrel. But I still have to go check. Because let’s face it, if there is a kangaroo out there there’s no way I’m gonna miss that sh*t.
A decoder ring, but for figuring out my kid’s math homework.— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) February 28, 2019
Daddy Spa:— La Guardia Cross (@LaGuardiaCross) February 25, 2019
My 4-year-old combing my hair with a broken remote and toy fork, while the 1-year-old constantly stabs my closed eyes while trying to fit toddler sized heart glasses on my adult sized face...upside down.
My husband was telling a long, boring story and my 10 year old interrupted with, “Surprising. But you know what’s not surprising? How much money Matt saved by switching to Geico.”— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) February 27, 2019
Anyway, I’m in trouble for laughing too hard.
My 12-year-old son's room is such a mess that I've installed a parental zip line to get from his bedroom door to his bed and back.— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) February 26, 2019
An epic tale of a hero’s perseverance through spirit-shattering physical agony, except it’s our 8yo telling me about the “boo-boo” on her pinkie.— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) February 28, 2019
Today in the terrible 2s:— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) February 26, 2019
My toddler will follow me around screaming & demanding I open a bar that I know she does not like.
At some point I will give up and open the bar, at which point all hell will break loose when I do the unthinkable and hand her a bar she HATES.#momlife
Person: I’m going to need you to destroy the evidence.— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 25, 2019
Me: No problem. *gives it to my children*
“Mommy, where we goin?!? You wook so pwetty!!”— ☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 (@MacgyveringM22) February 25, 2019
- my twins, every time I’m wearing jeans instead of leggings
Kids have a sixth sense about how to make situations more challenging for their parents.— Janina Maria (@dontlosethekids) February 26, 2019
Giving your toddler a bath? Well try it with a kindergartener climbing on your back.
Cleaning up the living room? They are already destroying their bedrooms.
The possibilities are endless.
Everyone has practice so we can either have dinner at 4:30 or 9:00.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 1, 2019
“If you build it, they will come.”— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) February 25, 2019
And destroy it within minutes and then demand a snack.
Make your future self laugh by telling your present self all the things you'll never do as a parent.— InnerMomalogues (@IMomalogues) February 25, 2019
Me watching the Oscars: Haven’t seen it. Haven’t seen it. Haven’t seen it.— SpacedMom (@copymama) February 25, 2019
Me watching the Kids’ Choice Awards: TEEN TITANS GO WAS ROBBED
A service like Uber except they drive your kids (who are asleep in the car) around and take you to run errands.— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) February 26, 2019