Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So, each week we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Gave our three-year-old an ice cream cone and now everything within a square mile is sticky.— Nathan Gregory (@MrGirlDad) April 17, 2019
Children are somehow both the action and the equal and opposite reaction, simultaneously.— mommed real hard (@MommedRealHard) April 17, 2019
Really scar your kid for life by filling one plastic Easter egg with all those teeth they thought the Tooth Fairy had— The Dad (@thedad) April 18, 2019
Daughter: dessert?— *sigh*clops (@DadZZZasleep) April 18, 2019
Wife: you have to eat more dinner first
Daughter: but that means less room for cookies
Me: *puts down fork* that’s an excellent point
Apparently exhausted 5am me thought it was a good idea to let my toddler eat cereal in my bed. She was wrong.— Manic Mama (@JannaKilimnik) April 15, 2019
I don’t go out very much because I have little kids, but OMG just you wait, once they get older... I’m gonna come up with another excuse.— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) April 14, 2019
Me: Hey.— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) April 16, 2019
Me: Just a reminder that the kids are home for school vacation next week.
Boss: So you'll need to work from home all week?
Me: Actually I was wondering if I could just move in here.
1yo keeps trying to rip my nose off of my face in a vicious game of "Got Your Nose" and whoever taught this to him is going to lose theirs.— ☕New-ish Mom🍷 (@LifeThrewLemons) April 17, 2019
husband: come kids, it’s time for you to see your mother— jo diggity (@WhaJoTalkinBout) April 14, 2019
son: I don’t want to, it’s scary with her just laying there
husband: I can’t make you, but you’ll be glad you did when you’re older
me, with a cold in bed: OMG I CAN HEAR Y’ALL
The same kid that just complained she can’t find any of the words in her word search vocab HW somehow manages to pick out every bit of onion in her dinner, so clearly motivation is key.— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) April 15, 2019
Mommy: You're AMAZING!— La Guardia Cross (@LaGuardiaCross) April 16, 2019
4-year-old: I'm not a raisin!
Parenting level-— Anecdotal Birthcontrol (@PedersenAhmed) April 18, 2019
Texting a photo of sliced bananas to my husband so he will know what 3 means when he asks for "Circle bananas"
If a dad arrives before a large group of people in any situation, he’s legally required to brag about how he beat the crowd a minimum of 17 times.— SpacedMom (@copymama) April 19, 2019
*At the park*— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) April 17, 2019
*1st mom hands 2yo raw carrots for a snack.*
*2nd mom gives 18mo homemade granola.*
Me: *hands my 18mo a burrito from 7-Eleven*
You wouldn't believe all of the Easter eggs I just found lying in the grass outside of this preschool.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 16, 2019
Rapping every single lyric to "Ice Ice Baby" to try and impress my teenaged son's friends when they stopped by to pick him up is a good example of "something a good dad does."— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) April 18, 2019
my son says he wants to walk around Barnes and Noble holding my coffee for me while I look at books so just know that a little boy has better date night ideas than most grown men— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) April 13, 2019
A neat thing about working from home is having your 3-year-old bust in during a conference call and exclaim, "Daddy why are you wearing pajamas and eating chips?"— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) April 19, 2019
My kids eat popcorn one kernel at a time and I’m left really questioning myself as a parent.— Mummy (@ThatMummyLife) April 18, 2019
The trick to getting your kids to eat more vegetables is to mix them in with their favorite foods. For example, I like to wedge a few carrot sticks into my daughter's crayon box.— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) April 17, 2019