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“It’s YOUR turn to move the Shelf on The Elf,” and other things overtired couples argue about at 11 p.m.— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets 🎄🤶🏻🎅🏼⛄️ (@gfishandnuggets) December 2, 2019
Sometimes I like to live dangerously by putting ketchup on my kid’s dinner plate without asking where they would like it first— ThreeTimeDaddy (@threetimedaddy) December 1, 2019
It’s really rude that potty training a strong-willed 3yo doesn’t count as cardio.— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) December 3, 2019
Think you are chill and laid back? Watch your kid build and decorate a gingerbread house without intervening.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 3, 2019
If you'd like to answer the question, "What's that???" a hundred thousand times a day, then having a toddler might be for you.— Ohio mom of two (@OhioMomoftwo) December 3, 2019
Please respect our privacy at this difficult time while we deal with our toddler who has just entered the “why?” phase.— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) December 4, 2019
An advent calendar for dads but it’s just a pair of cargo shorts and each pocket contains a random cable from some electronic that came out in the 90s.— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) December 1, 2019
I sure tell my family, "Don't blame me, I dont make the rules" a lot for someone that makes literally every single rule in this house.— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) December 4, 2019
My toddler has now chewed up and spit out five "grapes" because he's never heard of an olive and won't listen to reason.— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) December 6, 2019
cashier: how old are your kids?— Marcy G 🍕 (@BunAndLeggings) December 3, 2019
me: two, four, six, eight
cashier: *laughing* who do we appreciate
me: alcohol! *points to cart*
cashier: but damn...
Parenting 101 when your kids are sick:— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) December 2, 2019
1.) Kids have common cold.
2.) Kids sneeze on you as you care for them.
3.) Three days later, kids are better but you and your spouse now have Ebola.
My toddler would like for everyone to know that she is NOT tired. Her eyes just keep making her face fall asleep.— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) November 30, 2019
Kids: Mom, we need toothpaste!— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) December 3, 2019
Me: Cool, you can add it to your Christmas lists.
Me, every time my kids ask for anything in the month of December.
I’ve done nothing in life that matters to my daughter because I haven’t been in one of the 10000 scooby doo movies— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) December 3, 2019
Yesterday:— 🎄 Stay at Homies 🎄 (@stayathomies) December 3, 2019
My 4yo and me built a Frozen gingerbread house, painted pictures, played 2 games, went to the park, played house, cooked dinner together and then watched a movie.
What she tells her teacher we did yesterday:
"I picked up a dead bug and mommy yelled at me."
Sorry I’m late. I had to pick all the marshmallows out of my kid’s Lucky Charms.— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) December 3, 2019
Me: do you want apple sauce or a granola bar for dessert?— Mummy Claus🎅🏻🇨🇦 (@ThatMummyLife) December 3, 2019
Me: *impressed* alright, alright.
Me: Good job getting an A on your test— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) December 4, 2019
10yo: Thanks, I guessed at most of the answers
Me: You have to eat fruit— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) December 4, 2019
3: I can’t reach it
Me: Well we tried, come share these M&M’s with me I guess.
My son has told our Google Mini that it’s his birthday 12 times in a row so it can keep singing “Happy Birthday” to him.— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) December 5, 2019
It’s not his birthday, & technology doesn’t always make life easier.
I forgot to thaw the beef roast so it looks like we are having hot dogs and disappointment for dinner.— Anecdotal Birthcontrol (@PedersenAhmed) December 4, 2019
Parenthood: When the sound of uncontrollable sobbing during dinner isn't only your own.— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) December 6, 2019